How not to make people feel welcome

We were invited to attend a special service at another church this past weekend. Due to services at our own church Bryan was not able to go, so Reese and I went alone. Let's just say it was not the most pleasant experience. I hope that I do not offend those that invited us, but I learned a lesson that needs to be passed on.

When we arrived, there was a man standing at the front door. A couple of families walked in before us and the man spoke to those people as they entered. After dragging my 21 month old and his bag of toys up the steps the man simply looked at us. Nothing pleasant, just a look. He did not open the door, he did not welcome us. I had the bag of toys in tow because there was no nursery. No nursery... this was strange to me being that this is a fairly large traditional church.

I don't know if you have ever tried to sit in church with a VERY active 21 month old little boy, but I know that I won't again and it didn't last very long. During the music we managed to remove all the hymnals and Bibles from the pew along with the offering envelopes. He ate all the snacks that I had brought (I felt a little uncomfortable even offering him snacks in this setting) and threw all the crayons. He figured out that the tile floor under the pews was sloped and that the crayons would roll down it. So much for the brand new box of crayons. It also didn't take long before he realized he could fit under the pew.

At that point I realized I was in over my head and we went into the lobby. We were joined in the lobby by a mom with an infant (maybe 3 or 4 months) who was also visiting. Reese quickly moved to the steps that lead to the balcony and the climbing commenced. He was not hurting anything and was being quiet. Soon the man from the front door joined us in the lobby. He seemed to be inspecting what we were doing and he loomed around with his stern face for quite some time. Again, he never smiled or spoke to us or the other mother in the lobby. It wasn't long before a dad and little girl joined us. This man was friendly and asked us our names and tried to get his daughter to play with Reese. Apparently they were regular attenders of the church. Soon the stern man reappeared and he began to talk with the nice gentleman.

Over the course of the service we were joined by two more women and two more children. That brings the total children to 5. These were visitors also. The stern man kept appearing in the lobby glaring at all of us never speaking to anyone except the church member.

At first I thought he must be disapproving of the fact that I appeared to be a single mother. Then I wondered if his attitude was because my child is bi-racial. Since he knew nothing about me the possibility of the erroneous judgement calls made me angry. It made me even angrier when he was so callous to the other visitors that had gathered around.

Near the end of the service the man opened the front door to check the weather and a rough looking gentleman was walking up the steps. He wasn't dressed nice or even clean and you could smell the smoke on him from yards away. I expected this man to get the same treatment I had gotten. Boy was I surprised when the stern man held the door for him and somewhat greeted him. They were apparently familiar with one another.

When the service was over I returned to the sanctuary to gather our things. Hardly anyone from the church even spoke to me except the people that invited me. There were many people there that I know and they did not speak. The guests that had come to lead the service were the friendliest people there and I already knew these people.

For a few moments I stood beside the pastor and his wife. I was waiting to speak to the family that had invited us. Neither of them spoke to us either, although they did smile and seem pleasant. Once I got to speak to the family we had come with I pointed out the stern man and asked who he was. I was quite shocked to hear that he is the associate pastor.

I learned some sure fire ways to turn people away from a church that night. 1. Offer no nursery so that you alienate a whole demographic of people. 2. Make those who don't know you have no nursery and bring small children feel ashamed and uncomfortable for showing up for church. 3. Make no effort to speak to new people. 4. Have an intimidating and unfriendly staff.

All I can say about this experience is that I am glad that I did not go there looking for a new church. If you are looking for a church, I would be glad to give you the names of a couple that will welcome you with open arms children or not!

Confession!

If you have followed this blog very long, you may remember that last summer during our mission trip to Memphis our mail was stolen. Someone stole a box of checks from our mailbox. (Yes, I learned a lesson and we have the mail stopped during trips and we got a PO box for important mail.) Thanks to the WONDERFUL (and yes I mean that!) folks at our sheriff's department, we had a suspects name within a week or so. What we didn't know was that this fella had been on an ID theft spree. Ends up that he was linked to numerous cases of mail theft and identity theft in multiple states.

Last night one of those awesome detectives told me that our suspect had finally be extradited to SC from TN. On Tuesday the suspect was brought into the detectives office for questioning. The detective said that my name was the first one he asked about and the suspect confessed. Because we had reported the incident to the postal inspector it became a federal crime. Our suspect will soon be facing a judge and spending about 10 years in prison for his little crime spree.

While it gives me satisfaction to have closure to the incident, I really hope this guy has learned a lesson. He is only in his early 20's. Pray for him that he will spend those next few years getting himself together.

Stomach Virus

On my way to the grocery store yesterday, I started feeling weird. By the time I parked the car I realized that I was going to throw up. That was about 5 pm and it continued until 3:30 am. Can I just say that I hate throwing up. I hate it even more when it is 5 or 6 times in a row and there is nothing left in my stomach. I will be spending the rest of the day in the bed or on the couch. The worst part is that I want to hold my baby so bad! However, I am not prepared for a baby with a stomach virus, so I am keeping my distance. He stayed at church with Bryan last night and has gone back to church with Bryan this morning.

I have to give Bryan a shout out. He has done well on his own for the last 18 hours. Reese is fed, dressed, dry, and loved. That is all that really matters, right!?

If I had a little box

A few months ago I had a car full of small children. We were headed to a tailgate party and they were singing. One of the songs they sang went something like this:

If I had a little box to put the devil in. I'd take him out and stomp his face and put him back again.

I don't know that these are the correct words to the song, but this is how the children were singing it. Right now, I want to take Satan out of that box and stomp his face.

As I shared earlier in the week, God has opened a some huge doors for us lately. It is becoming more evident that He is at work because Satan has shown up! I know that Satan doesn't bother us when there is no threat to him. Please pray for us because he is trying hard right now.

Boy, I wish I had that box. I'd give him a good stomping and send him right back to that box.

Me Being Transparent

Productivity seems to be my enemy lately. It seems like I get lazier and lazier everyday and I hate it! I would love to chalk it up to the natural aging process, but I am only 30 not 80. Honestly, sometimes I have no motivation to be productive. I would rather sit and watch TV or play computer games than anything else. I HATE, let me repeat, HATE that. There isn't enough time to waste.



Let me share just a bit of the evidence that I have become down right lazy. My house is always a wreck (really unnerving since I am a neat freak), there are about 6 or 8 unfinished projects at home (some have been unfinished for months), my quiet time is almost non existent, I have sat in one adult service since the beginning of Oct, and my prayer life stinks (it has become simply a wish list rather than a conversation).



It makes me sick to think of all the time that I waste everyday. If nothing else I could be exercising. That would help with my constant whining about my weight gain. Since I am so eager to sit on my behind, I could at least be reading my Bible or praying.



I know that this is no one's fault but my own. For several years I have longed for an accountability partner. I really do desire to have someone ask me the tough questions and challenge me. I need that. I desperately need that. At different times I have prayed for that and it never seems to happen. It is not clear to me if I am missing something, or if God is telling me to wait.



Being introverted, I think people think that I don't want to be approached. They may think that everything is ok and that I would let them know if I needed something. Unfortunately, that couldn't be more false. I am very independent and believe that I always have to appear strong and in control. This makes it nearly impossible for me to approach someone and be totally transparent about what is going on in my world. The fact that there is the holy stigma of a pastor's wife doesn't help either. I feel trapped!



Thankfully, I love to write and have always been able to express things on paper (or a computer screen) that I could never say. Usually, that never goes any further than the journal on my nightstand. This a huge step for me. Not only am I being transparent, I am putting it out there so that anyone with Internet access can read it (or at least the 20 or 30 people that read this blog regularly).



Some friends of ours just started a life group for us. They wanted to love on us. We have met only once due to the holidays, but we will meet this week. The group consists of Bryan and I and two other couples. One of these couples we have been close with for several years (we were in each others weddings) and the other couple we have known for about a year. There may be others that join us, but it is fine if they don't. I am comfortable with these girls and feel like I will be able to connect with them. Hopefully, this is that accountability that I have been praying for and I will find my motivation.



Please pray for me. I really do want to get past this. I want out of this season of life and I never want to be back here again. This is one season that I won't miss.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I know it has been a while since my last post. Because it has been a while, the next few posts will be a little random and scattered. I will start with MSM stuff.

Last weeks AMP'd was packed out again. We had a record number of high school students. Bryan is doing a series called "Change we can really believe in." Wednesday night I wanted so badly to stand up and scream out an add on to his lesson. He was talking about respect and what it looks like to respect yourself and others. One thing that he mentioned was that girls can respect themselves in the way that they dress. A example that he gave was not showing cleavage. As he was wrapping up this point, I wanted so badly to scream out, "Keep your hands to yourself."

It is my guess that this is just a teenage thing, but I see so many kids who grope all over each other. Often times, I even see this in the middle of the service. There is one particular girl that I have sat behind or beside numerous times, and she won't keep her hands off of the boy next to her. She touches this guy and rubs on him in ways that only go on in the privacy of my own home. For some reason, teens seem to think that the more you touch someone the more you love them. I will admit, that I touch my husband much more (and of course in different ways) than I touch anyone else. The key word there is HUSBAND. As Bryan would say, I have a license to do that.

It breaks my heart to see that they have no concept of what real love and respect look like. It shows a whole lot more respect and love when you keep your hands to yourself. This makes me think about Taylor and Sara. I have had the blessing of spending time with and talking to both of them privately about their relationship. It only takes about a minute to see and understand how much they truly care about each other. The way that they talk about each other makes it more than obvious that they have the utmost respect for each other.

These two have been together for a few years and the extent of the physical relationship has been hugging. They made a commitment to each other and most importantly to God to keep their relationship pure. Taylor has committed to not kiss a girl until he is engaged to her. What an awesome commitment. This is true respect. Sara knows that he has and is saving himself for her and he knows the same about her. They have no regrets and if God were to put someone else in their lives, they will have no regrets creeping in and damaging the new relationships.

Unlike these two incredible young adults, many of our students do not live in homes where their parents have set this example for them. It is my prayer though, that they will see examples like Taylor and Sara and see how rewarding these choices can be. I am not foolish enough to think that every teen can or will make such firm commitments, but a least, they can learn to set some standards and stick to them. Despite what they seem to think, restraint is true measure of respect.

Perfection and Frustration: Doggone Blue Tape

People that know me, know that I am a bit of a perfectionist. This can pose a problem at my house sometimes, because Bryan and I do not share that quality. It drives me crazy to start a project and not complete it from start to finish. The bad thing is, I am a PERFECTIONIST. I want to see the project through and see it done correctly, but I don't always have the ability to do that. For instance:

Several months ago someone offered to paint our nursery for us. Bryan doesn't like to paint and I am no good at it, so we jumped at this offer. She worked for a few days and did a great job. The walls looked great. We then laid the new bamboo floor and had to purchase new closet doors. The wonderful volunteer came back and taped the closet door. She said that she would come back to finish it later. Well, I think she forgot. We greatly appreciate her help, so I didn't want to bug her about coming back. I have also been waiting for several months for a closet rod to be installed in the closet.

I decided that I had waited long enough and wanted to tackle the project this weekend. I am a terrible painter, so I avoid these projects. I always end up angry and more frustrated in the end because it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. After I attempted to paint the doors with a paint brush, Bryan and I made our way to Lowe's. We got a small roller and closet rods. We came back and I jumped on it. I added another coat on Saturday morning and again Sunday night. Yesterday I painted the insets on the door and was sure they looked great.

Last night I took Bryan in to show him my work. I started pulling off a section of tape. (Let me preface this by saying that I used blue tape and green tape.) The first section was blue and the door was white under it, because it pulled the brown paint off! As we continued to pull, all of the blue tape pulled paint off. (The green tape did not.) The door looks terrible!!! I am so upset. My sweet husband said that he will fix it for me. He says that he can touch it up and it will look fine.

I guess this is one more strike against me painting. One more and I am out. If only that blue tape weren't so bad. Doggone blue tape!

Beware of the bear

This may totally be a woman thing, but have you ever gone into Mama Bear mode? That is when you immediately jump on the defensive to protect someone you care about who is being attacked. This seems to be happening to me a lot lately.

For example, two years ago on mission trip there was a woman serving with another church who was extremely unpleasant. She had a sour look on her face the whole week. Several times she gave dirty looks to our students and made smart comments. One afternoon at lunch she went over the line and began to fuss at a group of our students. I was standing behind her the whole time and her complaints were completely unfounded. I went crazy! I wanted to let her have it. Those are my kids and they didn't deserve a moment of her hassling. It was all I could do to hold myself back from telling her off.

Almost immediately, I ran to Bryan and told him that he had better address it before I had a chance to. No matter how crazy my kids may get or how badly they might get on my nerves sometimes, they are mine and you better leave them alone. Don't get me wrong, I would have been the first one to correct them if they had been out of line. I don't have much tolerance for that.

Lately, attacks have been coming left and right. (I am well aware that we have ruffled Satan's feathers with all the progress that is being made in our student ministry.) I know that Bryan is a big boy, but that doesn't stop me from going into Mama Bear mode. There have been many personal attacks made on him and his methods of ministry. No, things aren't always the way they could be and they are not always the way that we want them to be, but he does the best he can. It infuriates me when people accuse him of not caring and not doing his part. No one sits at my house and listens to the hours he talks on the phone with students, parents, volunteers, and contractors. No one sits with him as he cries over the hurts that our students face. No one else puts aside everything in their life to deal with the newest crisis being faced by a student or family.

My husband puts his heart and soul into this ministry 24 hours a day. He never turns work off. He never steps away completely from the needs of his ministry. Yes, that is very frustrating at times, but I understand his heart. When my limited time with my husband is interrupted by phones calls from disgruntled people, I can't help but get angry.

Bryan is a worrier. He takes every comment and complaint to heart. It makes me so angry when he comes home and he can't get past that attacking conversation. This sends me into Mama Bear mode and I want to have my turn at the offender. I can take a lot when the attack is aimed at me, but back off when it comes to those I love.

I think this is the motherly instinct in me. It is a protective mechanism. This is one more thing that God is using to teach me about control. I can't be in control of everything and I have to use self control. This is a tough one for me. I am working on it, but in the mean time...BEWARE OF THE BEAR!

Only 6 more days

6 more days until the big 3-0. In a way I am dreading that day. Why? Well, if you really must know, I guess I will share.

Anyone who knows me very well, knows that I am a planner. I like to have things in order, be in control, and know what is supposed to happen ahead of time. I like for things to be organized. With this in mind, I had a plan for my life. My plan was to finish college get married immediately. Have all three or four of my children by the age of 30 and be done with child birth. Well, somehow I don't think that I will be giving birth to even one in the next 6 days.

On top of being a planner, I am very competitive and not always a good sport. This makes me feel like somewhat of a failure since I have not achieved my goals. There are several more goals that I had in mind, that I have not reached yet either. More than a lesson in good sportsmanship, I think that this is a lesson that God's plans are not always the same as mine. Of course, His plans are better and I need to step out of the way and let them happen.

God seems to show me this over and over again. It seems that I would learn from this at some point. This also is a way that God shows me that He has a sense of humor. For instance... there was a guy that I dated for several years that I was convinced that I would marry. I just knew that this was God's plan and for a period of time, I think he did too. In my high school scrapbook there is a section about the future. Where it asks where you'll be in ten years, everything had to do with being married to Bryan and working in ministry together.

Well, guess who attended my 10 year reunion with me? My husband, Bryan! The funny part is, it's not the same Bryan as in the scrapbook. Most of the things in that plan have happened, but not the way I expected or wanted them to at that time.

All I can say is, THANK YOU GOD! Thank you that You know more than I do and Your plan is better than mine. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Maybe I am not such a failure after all. Who knows, there are still 6 days left. God just might surprise me.

We need your help!

If you happened to be passing by my Williamston home today and saw a Deputy, he wasn't simply turning around. Last week while we were in Memphis, someone decided to steal our mail. The mail included a box of checks. (Yes, I know that was stupid on my part!) I assumed that the checks would be fine for the few hours until our house sitter arrived back for the evening. Boy, was I wrong!

I have been talking with the check company, bank, and post office all week. Everything seemed fine until yesterday. Yesterday afternoon a LARGE deposit was made into my account. Yes that is right a deposit. Because of the large amount of money, there is a hold on the deposit. This morning a $700 check cleared the bank. Until this point the post office and the bank didn't really seem very concerned about helping me.

Last night I talked with a friend at the sheriff''s department. He told me to call this morning and report it. No one would answer the phone on the non emergency number, so I called another friend their directly. He sent a deputy to my house to file a report. I won't go into all the details, but I spent about 30 minutes with the deputy and an hour and a half at the bank.

The crooks have been trying to pass our checks through banks in a town 30 or 45 minutes away. These means that I am going to have to also deal with the police in that town also. The check that they deposited into my account is from yet another county, so I may be dealing with the police there also. Apparently they have also made a fake id using Bryan's information so that they can actually pass the checks.

It is a bit creepy to think that someone has all my info and has been watching my house. As of today, we no longer have that bank account and tomorrow we will have a new address. Please don't send anything to my house. If you would like to send something to us, please send it to the church address until we get the PO Box set up.

This is all a little disheartening after my car was broken into last month at the church. I know God has a lesson in this for us, I just hope it doesn't cost us any more money! Please pray that all of this will work out and that the thieves can be caught. I want to feel safe in my own house!

A little venting session

Memphis is getting closer by the day. We leave on Sunday and I can't wait! Last year was such an incredible experience, I am excited to see what will happen this year. I shared a week or so ago about the devotional journal that we put together for our kids. Some common themes came up over and over. One of them was putting ourselves aside. This is so crucial for service. You can't serve Christ or His children if you are focused on your self.

It is and has been my prayer that our students would take this opportunity seriously. I really want them to be so focused on Christ and His plan for them, that they honestly forget about themselves. This is my prayer not only for them, but for myself, and the other 3 adult leaders. We ask a lot of our kids and expect a lot of them. Sometimes, however, I forget that they are teenagers and their lives revolve around themselves. I forget that there is an element of maturity that they sometimes lack. That level of maturity that comes as they begin to see the world around them and see themselves as the tiny part of it that they are. I don't know when that moment comes when they realize they are not the center of the universe. I know that I had to come to that point myself, everyone does.

Over the weekend one of our students on the mission team asked Bryan if he was going to allow them to go on a tour as a reward for serving. We were both extremely disappointed by this question. Do they not get it at all? What reward did Christ get for serving? Death on a cross? Who ever promised us a reward? The Bible clearly tells us that we will suffer here on earth when we truly give ourselves to Christ. Fortunately (or unfortunately), here in this country we have no idea what that truly means. We may be questioned about our choices and we may be made fun of, but we don't understand what it means to suffer for our Lord.

My dear friend Amanda spent a year in Africa with a tent and a backpack. She moved from village to village ministering and serving. Once every few weeks she was able to come into town where she stayed in a house for a couple of days to wash her clothes and restock her food. Our friend Taylor went into an Asian country where it is illegal to be a missionary to reach out to people and prepare the way for future missionaries. Everyday Christians in some countries run the risk of being jailed or even killed for their faith and our teens want a reward for serving.

Serving in the reward. The fact that we are able to freely serve is a huge blessing. The fact that we have transportation to get there, we have all of our meals provided for us, we have a cool clean and safe place to stay, and we have the opportunity to reach children and have our own lives changed is our reward. Not to mention the fact that the cost of the trip was around $300 per person and our students only paid $50. People in our church graciously donated the money for these students to go. So, there is your reward! As if you really needed one.

Lord, please change our hearts. Help us to see that our reward is the freedom we have to come to you daily. Our reward is the fact that we are free from sin and eternal life in hell. What more reward do we need?!?!

By the way, I really do love our students and our ministry. I just get so frustrated sometimes!

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yeah, so today is pretty much the worst day I have had in a long time. (Yes, even worse than the drama at camp last week.) To start with, Bryan left me yesterday for four days. I hate being left alone. I will not stay at home by myself. Belle and I stayed with my Grandma last night. This morning we got up and went home. I worked on some Mission trip stuff and cleaned up a little (seriously, a little). Bryan needed me to drop some stuff off at the church so I left home at 2:00. I don't have to be at work until 3:00, so I gave myself more than enough time.

I am headed toward the interstate about 2 miles from my house and stop at a stop sign. I could feel my transmission grinding as I stopped and then again as I started to move. (My first car was a stick, so trust me, I know what grinding gears feel and sound like.) As I move through the intersection, the RPM are raising, but the speed is not. The more gas, the higher the RPM's go, but I am maxing out at 25mph. There are two cars behind me. I turned on the flashers and tried to make it to the gas station a mile or so away.

As I am moving toward the gas station, I try to call Bryan. My cell phone has been disconnected!!! Disconnected!!! This is a whole story in itself. I make it into the gas station parking lot and dig for change. I look around for a pay phone, not a one in sight. I go inside and still no luck. I try my phone again and still no luck. A lady is standing outside taking her smoke break and I ask her where the pay phone is. She tells me that they don't have one. As I tell her my problem and burst into tears another employee offers me her cell phone. (Thank you nice lady. I will reward you!)

I call my Bryan's dad only to hear that he is in NC. He tells me to wait there and he will send someone to get me. I ask the lady if I can make one more call. She agrees and I call Julie, one of my supervisors to let her know what is going on and that I will probably be late. Great! I had two new clients to meet with this afternoon for the first time. She knew it was bad when I burst into tears on the phone. I am not a crier. Let me emphasize, I am NOT a crier. Julie assured me that it would be ok. About 15 minutes later a strange man in my father-in-law's truck shows up to pick me up.

He took me home to get keys and then to Bryan's truck. I called the cell phone company and chewed a few people out. Taylor laughed at me and my phone now works. I hate my car and when Bryan comes home I am getting a new one!!!!!

Rule makers=Rule breakers

So today was election day. As a good citizen, I did my duty and went out to vote. Anyone that knows me very well knows that I am a black and white person. There is not a lot of gray with me, I am by the book. I firmly believe that rules were made for a reason, and it is in our best interest to abide by them. This factors in to my choice of political candidates.

Though I will not share my political choices, I will say that my husband and I didn't agree on many choices in this election. When I arrived at the poling location, there were 4 or 5 people standing outside the door. It appeared that they were catching up on the latest community news. As I approached the door, an older man grabbed the door and reached out to shake my hand. He introduced himself and said that he would appreciate my vote.

This totally rubbed me the wrong way (especially since I had intended to vote for this man)! If I am not mistaken, this is totally illegal. No one inside seemed to mind that this law maker was now the law breaker. To me this said a lot about this candidate's integrity. How can I trust this man to represent me and up hold the law, when he blatantly disregarded the law himself. I had to seriously consider if I still wanted to vote for this man.

Why can't people just follow the rules?

Understanding God's Plan

Someone was telling me about a girl that is facing an unplanned pregnancy. The person was talking about how tough this was going to be for this girl and that we need to pray for her. (I totally agree, it will be tough, and she needs our love and support.) That was followed by this statement, "this is not God's plan for her life."

I had a hard time with that. It really frustrated me and almost made me angry to hear that. Later that evening, Taylor, Bryan, and I talked about this idea that something happens outside of God's will or plan. Basically, we all agreed that this is not possible. If something is outside of God's plan, it can't happen! God is fully aware and in control of everything that goes on around us. No, it was not part of the perfect design for a child to be conceived out of wedlock. But, the way this comment was made, it sounded as if God had lost control and He was not aware that this was going to happen.

This whole situation made me really think and consider understanding God's will and God's plan for our lives. I couldn't help but think how that mindset made it seem that sweet child of God is not that at all, but a mistake. That is ridiculous! My God is completely in control. He allows us to make choices (yes, He knows what choice I am going to make and what will happen as a result) and to deal with the circumstances those choices bring.

Though I know this is not the ideal situation, I know that my God was fully aware of exactly what was going on and the results to follow. Think about it... if God is in control, can something really be outside of his plan?

Pet peeve

So today I got a little aggravated! Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a planner and very systematic. I don't do well outside of my routine. Routines are comfortable and predictable. Most everything I do is done systematically. In the morning if I don't do everything exactly the same, I leave something out (forget the mouthwash, deodorant, etc). (Yes, I know that is gross, but it is true! I am just being real.) Today, somethings happened at church that took me out of my regular routine and I got really aggravated. I don't understand people sometimes. Why can't they just go with the plan. Oh well, I just needed to vent. Hopefully, things will be back to normal next week!

$204 poorer and frustrated

What did you hate the most about youth camp as a teenager? I know for me it was typically the terrible bathrooms. Remember wearing your shower shoes? As if that wasn't bad enough, there was never decent water pressure. You always had to dance around under the shower head for 10 minutes just to get your whole body wet. Oh, the memories!

I thought it was exactly that, a memory, but boy was I wrong! Yesterday, the water pressure in our shower hit a new low. It was one of those days that there was no point in attempting to wash my hair. There is no way that my hair would have been completely wet even after 5 or 10 minutes. The soap would not even come off my body. On top of that I had to channel my inner Super Girl just to turn the water on and then again to turn it off. I was so aggravated! The aggravation comes because we thought this had been fixed!

Just before Christmas Bryan and I spent $204 for a plumber to come out and fix a couple of things. One of those things was our leaky shower head. For about a week the shower seemed better, but things went down hill from there. Bryan was convinced that it was the shower head and I didn't agree, but yesterday I finally broke down and bought a new one. It is cool and all, but just as I suspected, that did not fix our problem. The water will not turn off! It runs constantly and you have to turn the handles so hard to stop the flow that I can't use them. I feel like an idiot having to use towels (or whatever is close by) to grip the handles. It is ridiculous! Even with all that you can still hear the water running.

I am so frustrated and ready for it to be fixed!!!!

Step away from the disaster, step away!

Saturday night a dear friend shared his heart with Bryan and I. He is concerned about the choices that a friend is making. I could totally relate to him. Here is one of my stories and my response to him. Most of us have probably been there, so I hope that this helps someone.

In college there was a guy that I dated and we stayed friends after we broke up. The whole time that we dated and were friends he really struggled with his calling. I could totally see God molding him for missions or camp ministry. After we broke up, he seemed to start seeing things more clearly and moving toward that. Then he started dating another girl. A mutual friend came to me concerned about it and said that the girl was completely against him in ministry and was really trying to push him away from that. It made me so angry and broke my heart at the same time. I wanted so bad to step into the situation and fix it, but I couldn't. Honestly, I don't know what happened with them, but I still pray for him.

I think that God gives us wisdom sometimes to see things in others that they don't yet see in themselves. It is kind of a blessing and a curse for me, because I want them to see it so badly. I want to open up their head and pour it in, but I can't. It is a test of my faith to step back and trust that God is still in control and that He will make it happen in His timing and His way. He may have to take them through the muck and mire to get to the point that they see it. It may even come to the point of being broken and that is OK.

Sometimes being broken is the only way they can truly hear and see Him clearly. I have to think about the times that I have been broken and what a blessing it was. Even though the road is hard, think how much we learn and grow through that. We can't deny them that blessing. This is usually the point where I hear him saying, "Crystal, who is in control, you or me?"

Don't loose heart, He is in control. As hard as it is, just remember they will never learn or appreciate lessons that they don't learn on their own. Often, the best thing that we can do is step out of the situation and let Him work. As much as it hurts, we need to wait for the process to run its course and be there waiting at the end to help them put things back together.

Help me, don't leave me hanging!

There is a call in radio show that I have forced myself to listen to for a couple of weeks now. It is so frustrating. The show is designed for people 25 and younger who are dealing with life's issues. The person taking the calls is not a counselor, simply a youth worker/advocate. I totally understand that he is a parent and has worked with students for many years. What I don't understand, however, is how he is actually helping people.

Every time I have listened, I become more and more frustrated. These troubled people pour out their hearts and really get no closer to closure. For instance, last night a guy calls in and says that his parents smoke pot all the time. They have been busted before, but continue to smoke. The young man admitted that he had tried it himself, but did not like it and had not done it again. He said that he and his girlfriend were trying to "get right" and he didn't know what to do about his family. The host asked him what he meant by getting right. The young man didn't have a clear understanding of what it meant to "get right" with the Lord. I was expecting the host to reassure the guy that if he had asked for forgiveness that is all that he had to do. Besides that, his advice was that the boy has to move out. He must prove to his parents that he means business and leave. He then said, thanks for your call (hang up).

What??? Oh if life were that easy. The poor boy could have been 15 or 16 and have no where else to go. What if he has no job? How is he supposed to just leave? Offer him some help. Connect him with someone locally that can help him. Don't just cut the poor kid off with no resources! This is just one example of the frustrations that I face with this show. In my 9 years of youth work one thing that I have learned is that kids have to be given resources and often you have to hold their hand while taking advantage of the resources. They don't have a clue how to seek out help on their own. That is why they come to adults. They are told their whole lives to go to an adult they trust if they don't know how to handle something. That is exactly what these kids are doing and it isn't getting them any further than they were before.

My only hope is that there is more going on off air. I pray there is more going on!!! It makes me so angry each night when I listen to this. I want to call those kids back and offer them real help.