As I mentioned earlier in the week, one of my new year's resolutions was to be more consistent with my quiet times. On Wednesday I made a trip to Family Christian Store to get a devotion book that I had read about. Character Makeover by Katie Brazelton and Shelley Leith was reviewed in either CCM or Relevant, so I wanted to check it out.
In case you didn't figure it out, it is a study about Godly character. It focuses on eight character traits (Humility, Confidence, Courage, Self-Control, Patience, Contentment, Generosity, and Perseverance). The first of which is Humility. At first I didn't think that this was something that was a struggle for me. I am not the girl that goes around bragging about stuff and I am usually pretty conscientious about others. Of course, I have my days and moments where I have to check myself and my attitude, by no means am I perfect (I know that is a shock to my husband). This made me wonder how much I would really get out of a week's worth of study on humility.
I was quite surprised to take the pride test and get a fairly high score on one section and middle of the road on another. The test broke pride down into four areas: exalting myself, belittling myself, attacking others, and ignoring others. I had never thought of belittling yourself as a form of pride. This was a whole new perspective for me. The authors said, "Worthlessness is the most deceptive form of pride. ...it is a reverse method of attracting attention." A list of methods women use to belittle themselves included:
*Women who overwork and let others take advantage of them.
*Perfectionists who secretly try to prove they are worthy by absolutely controlling some area of their lives.
This is a matter of undervaluing your worth. Oh my goodness, that was a smack in the face. God created me the way that I am for a divinely perfect purpose and I am smacking Him and His creation in the face when I undervalue myself.
Undervaluing myself is just as much an issue of humility as undervaluing or ignoring others. An issue that goes along with undervaluing others is remaining stuck in bad patterns. Some women see their past or personality as a trap in which they're stuck, instead of realizing they can choose either to stay the same or change their behavior. We have to stop using the excuse of "this is just how I am and you have to accept me like this." Ignoring others is the refusal to be influenced by those the Holy Spirit is trying to use to speak into your life. It is saying to God: "I am fine just the way I am."
How many times have I been guilty of thinking that I am fine just the way I am. I tend to be a perfectionist and because of this I often have a hard time letting go of things. I would rather do it myself to make sure that it is done right, as if no one else can do things properly. My personality type tends to be very organized, systematic, and logical. Systems work, I love plans and organization, and that is not a bad thing. Systems and organization are needed, especially in my home with my non-planner, spur of the moment, whatever feels good husband. I know that my personality drives him crazy, but I never thought of it as a matter of humility.
It totally makes sense though. How self centered do you have to be to think that no one else can do something as well as you? How self centered is it to waste so much time focusing on perfection? That is not to say that I can walk away from those tendencies right now, nor am I saying that I want to. What I am saying is that I have to throw off the attitude that I am fine just the way I am and be willing to listen and learn from others.
I firmly believe that God has called us as Christians to live lives above reproach and to strive for excellence. My prayer now is to learn the balance between striving for excellence and doing so with humility. It is not going to be easy, change never is, but I refuse to give up excellence for perfection.
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