The Face of Foster Care

What do you think of when you hear the term foster child?

This is what I think of:

These are two of the most beautiful and energetic kids I know. They were both adopted from foster care this year and the handsome one happens to be mine.

This month consider supporting the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption by purchasing the $1 Frosty coupon books at your local Wendy's. Give the books away to trick-or-treaters and the money goes to help beautiful kids like mine find forever families!

It's been a while

I didn't realize how long it had been since I last blogged until I logged on and saw the last date. WOW! A lot has happened since December. I won't even attempt to share everything, but here are a few highlights.

*Reese made his wedding debut in our nephew Jeremy's wedding (January).

*We made it through the TPR process with our adoption. (February)

*I changed jobs and now work for one of the pastors at our church. (April)

*Bryan obeyed God's call and was named the Lead Pastor of our the new campus our church is launching.

*We made it through another summer of youth ministry craziness (all without Reese this year).

*Bryan turned 35

*Reese turned 3.

*I turned 33 last week.

And the biggest news of our year;

We finalized our adoption of Reese on Wednesday!!!!!!

Today we launched the new campus and Bryan is officially Pastor of Marathon Pickens. We had close to 200 people and heard lots of good things.

Now that I have gotten you somewhat caught up, I hope to resume a more regular blogging schedule.

Chocolate: the aftermath

This is what happens when the chocolate is gone!

Chocolate!

I found this line of chocolate bars in the grocery store this weekend. Due to his dairy allergies, Reese has not been able to eat chocolate. He got his first taste on Saturday. Sunday I made a video of him enjoying the chocolate. As much as he loves the chocolate bars, he won't be getting them very often. They cost $1.77 each!

More Friday Fun

Who knew Happy Birthday was so funny. I turned the camera on him and this is what happened!

Friday night fun

Mommy and Reese had a little fun with Daddy's mac while he is away at a Lock-In!

Learning to pray

Every night before bed we read read Reese a Bible story and pray. Usually we pray and he listens and says AMEN. One night earlier in the week Bryan wasn't home at bedtime. I decided to see if Reese would pray. I asked him what he wanted to thank Jesus for and he babbled for a minute. Then, I prayed a simple prayer and let him repeat after me. It was so sweet to hear him pray. We have continued this each night this week. Each time when asked what he is thankful for, we have prompted him. We may say, "what about Nana or your friends?" He would then say a few things and we would pray. Tonight we asked him and surprisingly, he quickly spoke up. The first thing he said was "Joy" and he seemed so happy and proud of himself.

Joy is his babysitter. He loves Joy and often mentions her. He paused for a moment and then smiled and said, "Lily". Lily is our Worship Pastor's daughter and one of the children that Reese plays with during the week. Reese LOVES to talk about Lily. She is the first of his friends that he called by name. He usually talks about Lily and giggles. He followed Lily with Lou Lou, Zoe, Jace, and Lou Lou. Ironically, today is Lou Lou's birthday. I am not sure that he knew or understood that, but something made him think that she needed a little extra today.

No matter how wild he may be, these sweet moments are what ring in my mind. These moments and the moments where he is singing are the most precious things in the world. It is such a blessing to see the Lord already working in his heart.

I have tried for months to get him to learn Jesus Loves Me. He knows the words to most all of the Veggie Tales songs and loves to sing them. He sings all the time (my favorite sound!), but he wouldn't try Jesus Loves Me. Tonight at the dinner table he randomly started singing "the Bible tales me so". When we realized what he was singing we started singing with him and he sang most of the song. This followed by his prayer requests were just another confirmation to me of the HUGE responsibility we have as parents.

Everything we do speaks volumes to them even when we think they are not paying attention. Thank you Lord that I can step out of the way and let you do the leading. I sure couldn't do it on my own.

Adoption Update

Our monthly home visit was last Friday. I realize that I never filled you in on what happened at our February visit, so this will update you on both months.

Our March 25th TPR date was thrown out. We think that this is due to the fact that our case was lumped together with another one against the same birth mother. The other child in the case has a known father and it appears that the father may have asked for time to work on getting his child back. There is no connection between Reese and this man, so this does not affect us other than slowing down our time line. (We don't know for sure that this is what changed the date, but with the info we have this is our best guess.)

Our adoption worker is/was pregnant and left on maternity leave this month (I am not sure if she has had the baby yet). Due to where we are in the process, we got a new case worker rather than a substitute. This was our first month with our new worker. In February, both ladies worked with us to make a smooth transition. Our new case worker was leaving us to go and sign adoption agreements with another family and said that she hoped to be doing that with us soon! After TPR that will be our next step. That means that foster care is out of the case and we are officially waiting for a finalization date.

The new TPR date is tentatively set for June 8th. Please pray for that date. Pray that we would go to court on that date and that the birth mother would choose to relinquish that date. If she chooses to relinquish (rather than the judge order her to be terminated) we can finalize almost immediately as this will cut out most of the paperwork we will have to wait for otherwise. We have no doubt that the judge will terminate her rights, but there is an appeal period we have to wait through among other things. There would be a minimum of 90 days after termination that we would have to wait. Realistically, it would probably be at least 120+ days.

She could relinquish at any time and does not have to wait until June. Please pray that she would realize what is best for her child and that the most loving thing is to make this easier so that we can all move on with our lives. We know that God is in control and that His hand is in all of this. We also know that he honors the prayers of his children, so please join us in praying!

Vote for Reese

Reese Is Entered in the Gap Casting Call

Gap is holding a nationwide contest to find the next faces of babyGap and GapKids, and Reese is entered into the contest. Check out Reese's entry here:

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/crystalholder/392778526/

Go to the website above and vote for Reese. The baby with the most votes wins a trip to Disney World. You can vote once a day until November 17th.

Ask everyone you know to vote for Reese!

It's NEGATIVE!

Those long awaited words just came on the other side of my cell phone. In December we were presented with information about our potential child. After leaving that meeting, we had A LOT to consider. One thing we never expected to hear was that this child may have a potentially life threatening disease. You see, Reese's birth mother has a disease and up to that point, there were traces of the disease in his blood.

After consulting with several medical professionals and much prayer, we decided to proceed. We have been seeing a wonderful specialist every three months to have lab work done. The first two tests showed that there were still antibodies of the disease. Dr. Johnson had assured us that he expected these to have flushed out of his system by 12-18 months. The 12 month test was negative, but Dr. Johnson wanted one more negative before he cleared Reese. On Tuesday we had the 15 month test. Well, the call just came and Praise the Lord... It is NEGATIVE!

Our God is so good! Thanks Dr. Johnson and nurse Helen. The next time we see you will simply be a visit to say hello!

Lessons from a child

Yesterday Reese had his first official play date. He was worn out and seemed to have enjoyed himself. I don't know about him, but mom learned a few lessons from the experience. The morning started with a visit to Dr. Johnson for a check up and blood work. My little man was such a trooper. He behaved so well. Dr. Johnson was checking his ears and was planning to check his throat. Before the Dr. had a chance to say anything, Reese opened up wide and kept saying "Ahh". It was so cute and totally caught Dr. Johnson off guard. After the exam, nurse Helen put some cream on his little arms to get him numbed up for blood work.

I am always nervous about blood work, but I was even more on edge this time (for several reasons). The child before Reese was FREAKING out. He made quite a scene and you could feel the tension in the waiting room. I just knew that Reese would follow suit and flip out. Boy was I surprised. He didn't make a peep. We laid him on the table, the nurse stuck him and it was over. She bandaged him up and we were gone without a tear.

We got in the car and headed to the mall to meet my friend Natalie and her boys. In the 5 minutes it took us to get to the mall he had stripped the bandage off. "I'm a tough guy mom. I don't need no stinking bandage!"

Lesson 1: Don't worry about what may be. Focus on the now!

The little boy ahead of Reese was probably 4 or 5 and apparently knew what was coming when he entered the lab. He was thinking about it way too much and freaked out before the nurse ever touched him. Reese, on the other hand, had no idea what was coming next. He was concerned about the cookies I was feeding him at the moment. He did not allow himself to worry about what may be coming. Because his focus was on the here and now, he didn't have any need to freak out.

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

After a quick visit with cousin Brant at GAP kids we headed to the play area. There was a little girl playing that looked about 2. Reese kept watching her and trying to play near her. She was a cute little girl (he has good taste). I wish I could say she was a sweet as she was cute. Natalie, Brant, and I watched this little girl shove Reese several times. This was not an accident, it was almost like she was on a search and destroy mission. My goal was to keep Reese away from her, but like most boys, he was drawn to the pretty girl.

Were I in his place, my first reaction would have been to go right back at her. I know, turn the other cheek, do unto others, yadda yadda yadda. I wish I were strong enough that those were my first thoughts. No, I don't typically act on them, but they are my initial thoughts. If you were really honest with yourself, that would probably be your initial reaction as well. Not my boy. Each time she pushed him, he would get up and giggle, then he would give the little girl the biggest hug.

Lesson 2: Love speaks volumes

I am ashamed to say that my 15 month old handles things in a more Christ like manner than I do. Somehow, I can't see Jesus shoving the little girl back. Like Reese, He would have found a way to respond in love. For Reese, the only way he knows to show love is hugs and kisses and that is exactly what he did. That little girl did not stop pushing Reese as a result of his hugs, but that didn't stop him from giving the hugs either. Christ doesn't stop loving us because we don't show Him love back. THANK GOODNESS!

How many times have I shoved Him or even spit in His face and His response was to turn around and embrace me. Like Reese's "friend", I am undeserving of His love, but how blessed I am by it.

My prayer is that I can be a little more like Reese, and in turn more like my Savior. Oh, the lessons I am learning from my little one.

Mommy help needed!

I need some advice! My little Houdini has figured out how to pull the covers out of the electric sockets. I have put a baby gate in front of them, covered them with tape, and moved furniture. All with no success. Reese has managed to figure them all out. Here is what I just caught him doing as I am writing this:

Any suggestions? Please help me before my little one shocks himself!

Monthly Update

Reese had his 12 month check up this week. Our chunky monkey seems to be growing into himself. He is now 30 inches long and 22.10 pounds. At his 6 month check up he was in the 90-95% percentile. At 9 months he was in the 75%. He is now in the 30-50%. We were a little surprised that he didn't weigh more, but he has started walking a good bit and has gotten so long. I guess it all evens out. He had grown nearly a full inch and only 1/2 a pound.

It is kind of sad when I look back in the car. I am starting to see a little boy instead of a baby. It is just a reminder to cherish everyday because they grow up so fast.

We had our monthly visit yesterday. Things are still on track for a pre-trial hearing in early August. It is not necessary for us to be at this hearing, so most likely we will not attend. If that date goes well, we may have a TPR hearing as early as September, but most likely October. After that hearing, the BM has 30 days to appeal and then the judge has 30 more days to review her appeal and the paperwork that DSS's attorney draws up. At that point we are turned over completely to adoptions and will not deal with foster care any more.

Unfortunately, we miss understood what happens next. We were under the impression that we would be able to finalize almost immediately at that point. We now know that it may take another 4-6 months to finalize after that. Of course, our hope is for the shorter time frame. In our minds we would be final by the end of the year. It now seems that the spring is a more accurate guess, but a guess is all that it is. (God is in control and anything is possible!)

Sleepless Nights

We were so blessed that Reese was already sleeping through the night when he came home to us. There had only been a couple of rough nights... until Sunday.

Last week Reese started showing some signs of separation anxiety. According to all of the books I have read, this is common at this age. I had no idea that it carried over into the night. Sunday night Reese went to sleep at his regular time and everything seemed normal. Bryan and I went to sleep as normal. 12:30 came and normal went out the door. Reese was wide awake and screaming with panic. I went into his room and held him. We laid on the couch until he went back to sleep. I put him back in the bed, and as soon as he hit the mattress he was up and screaming again.

This went on all night. Bryan and I took turns holding him. This was the only way he would sleep. One of us had to be touching him all night. His preference was to have his arms wrapped around my neck in a death grip. He hardly napped on Monday, and feel asleep nearly an hour and a half early that night. Monday night was a repeat. The problem is that we don't sleep if he is in our bed. We both worry about rolling on him or him getting caught in the covers.

Tuesday I did a lot of research, talked to a lot of parents, and my friend Crystal who is a child psychologist (she has been an invaluable resource!). I got many suggestions on ways to handle it, and determined that he was either having nightmares or the separation anxiety was carrying over into the night. We had a plan for what to try last night, but that will have to wait.

Before I went to bed last night, I went into Reese's room and prayed for him. THANK YOU LORD! He slept all night! I didn't because I kept anticipating him waking up. Hopefully tonight will be good for us all.

Monthly Adoption Update

We had our monthly meeting with our case workers this morning. Little Buddy put on a show for them today. He was full of smiles, squeaks, giggles, and plops as he tested out his new standing skills. We were glad to see him show off that personality of his.

I am amazed at how God continues to make His hand in this process so clear. You may remember that the grant paying for DSS's lawyer had run out. We were concerned that this was going to slow things down. Yesterday we were told that the lawyer has continued to work on our case despite the fact that she is not being paid. She has never lost a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) case and is confident that our case is cut and dry. This was blessing #1 of the day.

Blessing #2 came when the foster care worker told us that cases are being pushed through very quickly right now. She is filing the TPR paperwork for our case on May 22nd and it could be as quick as three to four months to finalize. This is incredible news to us since other cases we know of have taken MUCH longer.

Blessing #3 is one that I will not share the details of for now, but our case worker got a phone call while she was here. If all goes well, this call could mean that things would move even faster. Someone outside the case is willing to intervene and try to speed things up. We don't know this person and they don't know us.

We were both overwhelmed by this news and would like for you to pray! Please join us in thanking God for the lawyer and her servant heart. Thank Him for making things speedy in court and thank Him for this stranger that is willing to help. Also, please for Reese's birth mother.

Thank you for your love and support. We appreciate it more than you will ever know!

The Little Things

Tonight Reese and I went to the grocery store. Usually I make an effort to go when he is not with me because it is easier that way. At first he was talking loudly. I don't mind that, as a matter of fact, I think that it is sweet that he babbles so empathicly. The longer we were in the store, it turned into loud fussing. He was hungry and tired. I got to the dairy section and picked up a small can of biscuits. (By this time Reese has been fussing really loudly for 15 minutes.) I put the biscuits in the cart. He proceeded to take the biscuits out of the cart and started eating the can. EUREKA! He giggled and chewed on those biscuits the rest of the trip. I hated to take them away from him in the check out lane.

Next time you need a quick fix in the grocery store, grab a can of biscuits!

Walking in Memphis

Well, we are not technically walking in Memphis. At the moment I am sitting and Reese doesn't know how to walk. Reese is actually sleeping. I guess he has adjusted to the change of time zone well because we still have 30 minutes before he would be awake at home.

We could not have been more proud of him yesterday. He was a trooper dealing with the airport, the plane, and all the craziness of settling into a new place for a few days. Even the TSA people at ATL commented about how cute and sweet he was. You know those TSA people aren't always friendly especially at 8:30 am in the country's busiest airport. I guess this is why it surprised me when two different sets of people asked to be moved from the seats behind us on the plane.

Reese got a little fussy in the terminal, but that was because it was time to eat. He is always a little fussy at meal times, especially if you don't feed him fast enough. Once we boarded we gave him some snacks and a bottle and he was good. I was very concerned about his ears, but it didn't seem to bother him. He never got upset, but was excited and laughed a lot. If you have ever been around this child, you know everything he does is full speed ahead... even laughing. He was a little loud, but that is the sweetest sound to me.

We started out with a man behind us and before we even took off, he asked to be moved. Soon two ladies were behind us. About half way into the flight we realized that they had moved also. I am not sure why, they missed seeing my sweet baby sleep. He went to sleep about half way through the flight which was his regular nap time.

He was a real trooper yesterday and had a lot of first experiences. You can check out his blog to see the photos of those. Well, it is time to feed the Reese man then we're off to Mississippi to the outlet mall. (Bryan is playing golf. We'll do some serious tourist stuff when he returns!)

Info on visit with birth mom

Our case worker just called to give us an update. She visited with BM on Wednesday at the jail. Unfortunately, at this point she is still adamantly opposed to relinquishing her rights. She says that she is going to get herself together and get her baby back. She believes that she will be able to make bond within a few months and will then have a period of time before she is sentenced on her charges and returns to prison. The case worker says that BM told her that she didn't do all the things they have her charged for. According to the Guardian Ad Litem, this is always the case. BM never believes that she actually did the things the police catch her doing. When she is charged, she will be serving at least a few years. The sheriff's department has told us that it could be 5-15 years, but some of that could be suspended down to probation.

Crystal, our caseworker, assured us that this is typical with birth parents. BM can still chose at any time to relinquish. Please continue to pray that she will realize that this is best and make that decision. With BM's track record, we have no reason to believe that anything is going to change in her personal life. I hate that for her, but I also know that even if she does make that effort, she will be in prison. No matter how sincere she is, she can not parent from prison.

The formal complaint is scheduled to be filed on May 20th unless she relinquishes before then. Thank you for your prayers and please continue!

Update on Reese

You may have noticed that it has been a couple of weeks since I last posted. There are many reasons for that, but the main one is a sick baby. Last week we had our first round of the stomach bug. NO FUN!!! We had 6 days of nasty poo poo. Nasty, runny poo poo.



There was no time to write because I had to bathe Reese every time he pooped due to the fact that it was running down his legs. We visited the Dr. and got some dietary supplements that were pretty much a wonder drug! I will give it up for Culturelle! We used it for two days. Almost immediately solidified the stools and cleared up the problem in 2 days.

It is an understatement to say that we were very excited to get over this issue.

Prayer Warriors Needed: Adoption Update

This morning we had our monthly visits with both of Reese's case workers. The state is proceeding with the termination of parental rights. The formal complaint will be filed on May 20th. At that point the birth mother (BM) will have had 6 months to comply with the stipulations DSS gave her. She has failed to comply or attempt to comply with any of them.



Next week (probably Tuesday) our foster care worker will be visiting her at the county jail to let her know that the state is proceeding with the case. She will also let BM know that she has the option to relinquish her rights. By law she can not "talk her into" this, but she can offer the option. If, by the grace of God, she chooses to do this our process would move forward quickly.

Please pray that BM would consider this step. Pray that she will think about the best interest of Reese. Pray for Crystal (the case worker) that God would give her the words that she needs when dealing with BM.

Crystal is supposed to contact us after the visit. I will post as soon as we have more info.

God is good and He is in control!