A teacher, astronaut, fashion designer, model, dance teacher, and flight attendant. Those were my answers to that question through my elementary school years. In middle school I stuck with the dance theme and I wanted to be a professional dancer and own a dance school. High School brought about the idea of being a counselor or psychologist. On my college application I declared psychology as my major. (I graduated with a degree in Communications and Sociology.)
The college years came with the thoughts of being a music producer or entertainment management. Then I became "socially aware" and wanted to be Miss America (yes I was a pageant girl) and then become a politician. You know there are so many former Miss America's turned politician out there. The goal was to use my influence to change the world. Though I did not pursue politics, I did the next best thing... I went to work for a non profit agency.
Honestly, the only thing I ever knew for certain was that God had called me to ministry. I didn't know what ministry, but I was willing to try as many as possible to find out. My freshman year of college Dr. Susan Underwood at Carson Newman College (Go Eagles!) assigned a research paper to her English 101 students about their career goals. Since ministry was the only thing I was sure of, that is what I wrote about. I wrote about being a pastor's wife to be exact. My associate pastor's wife was the focus of my research. I further explored ministry by taking an internship with a local church the summer between my junior and senior year. (That was probably the best summer of my life!)
Like I said before, upon graduation I took a job with a non profit and after a few years I went to another non profit. I have considered many other jobs: event planner, graphic design, child care, teaching, acting, and a few more. It never made sense to me that I couldn't put my finger on my ministry and I could never find the "perfect" job for me. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and enjoyed most of the others that I have had, but nothing has ever seemed perfect. I was never making that huge impact on the world that I felt I should be.
Then came December...
The last eight months have brought a lot of things to light for me. I have finally found my niche. As much as I like my current job and enjoy the children's and youth ministries that I am involved in, nothing is a better fit for me than being mom. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot as I go. I don't have it all figured out and never will. What I do know is that I am changing the world everyday. Changing the world of one little fella who knows that his Mommy and Daddy love him more than he can imagine. My ministry is my family.
It all became very real to me this weekend when I asked my 15 month old, "Who loves Reese?" Without prompting, his reply was, "God." There is no other job I would rather have!
Showing posts with label How can I be so clueless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How can I be so clueless. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, November 1, 2008
4 years of reflection
Today is the 4th anniversary of the murder of Leslie Mazzara. Leslie was one of my best friends in high school . Leslie’s death was the last major event of the absolute hardest year of my life. That summer we made the transition into Bryan’s current position at Marathon. Any change in ministry leadership is tough, but this particular transition carried a lot more emotions and confusion than the typical change. We were so excited about the opportunity that God had given us, but at the same time we knew that the former pastor left with some hurt. Bryan officially came on staff August 1st. A week or so later, I resigned my position and accepted a new job that began September 1st. There was some tension that came with that because I had been working for my dad.
That October became the single worst month ever! October 11th my Granddaddy died very suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack. My Granddaddy was the single most important man in my life. He and my Grandmother raised me and I had a very special bond with them. I had never faced a loss like this. The day that we buried my Granddaddy , my pastor’s wife told us that one of our volunteers (he was a parent to one of our students) had been killed in a car accident that morning. The following week, one of our students was hospitalized for cutting her self. Her mother was in jail and she had no other family, so we were called to the hospital. We spent the whole night there with her and got her checked into a children’s treatment facility. Over the next few weeks, we would call and make visits to see her. We were also trying to make arrangements for her care after she was released. As if all that weren’t enough, I get the call that Leslie had been killed.
Needless to say, my world had totally been turned upside down. Four years later, I can look back on the madness, cry, and say that I have grown and learned a lot. I would like to share a few of those lessons with the hope that they might help someone else.
Lesson 1 & 2: I don’t have to be the strong one & Everyone needs to grieve.
I have always had this idea in my mind that I have to be a rock. Never let them see you sweat. Growing up in the situation that I did, I grew up really fast. It was necessary for me to grow up and face challenges like an adult even as a small child. This mindset made it really hard to grieve. I thought that I had to hold it all together. It was my job to single handedly hold my family together and to be the one that could handle all of this flawlessly. I needed to be strong and take care of everyone.
In front of everyone I put on a tough front. I was strong. Once I was alone, I fell apart. Thank goodness for my sweet Bryan. He would just hold me and let me get it all out. He never pushed, he was just there. It took a few weeks, but I finally realized as strong as I thought I was, I couldn’t do this on my own. Roy McCall, one of our pastors, was such a blessing. He did some counseling with me and helped me to see, that I couldn’t help anyone until I helped myself. The strongest thing I could do, was to face my feelings and grieve. Only after that, could I help my family or anyone else.
Lesson 3: Don’t take relationships for granted.
We never really think that something could happen to someone we love. Because of this, we often let circumstances and situations get the best of us. We hold back and don’t always follow those leadings that we get. I had not talked to my grandparents for several days when my Granddaddy died. That morning as I drove to work, I told myself that I needed to call them and make plans to come by after work. I’m sad to say, that I never made that call. Looking back, I can’t help but think that was the Lord’s way of giving me the opportunity to say goodbye.
In 9th and 10th grade, Leslie and I were inseparable. In 11th grade, Leslie started spending more and more time with some other friends and by our senior year, we were only together occasionally. We went to different colleges and chose different paths and gradually lost touch. Several years later, I saw her in the mall and chose not to speak for whatever reason. Through her death, I was reunited with several friends. Unfortunately, we have not all been that great about staying in touch.
I can’t focus on regrets, it doesn’t do any good, but I can look back and make changes for the future.
Lesson 4: (Probably the most important) Time really does heal all wounds.
In the midst of all of this and even months later, I thought that I would never heal. I honestly thought that I would continue to cry over every tiny thing and that I would always feel like my life was completely out of control. Every picture, every thought, every comment, I thought that I would never have another day without the deep pain, sadness, and crying. Life would never be the same again.
Well, I was right about one thing, life never would be the same again. But, it would go on and it would get easier. You can’t experience a major loss and not be changed by it. You can, however, choose not to be frozen by the loss. For many months I still struggled greatly with my emotions and processing the losses. Each year that has gone by has gotten a little easier. I haven’t forgotten about Granddaddy or Leslie, or any of the other life changes I experienced that year. I see my Granddaddy’s picture on my dresser everyday. I go into my Grandma’s house and see the chair that he sat in at the table. I see and hear things all the time that make me think of him. At first, I saw all of those things and I would think about how brokenhearted I was and how much I wished he hadn’t gone. It all reminded me of my loss.
Now, they remind me of my blessings. I see those things and I think of great memories I shared with him. I think about how lucky I was to have those 26 years with him. I think of how blessed I am to have been loved the longest (though my family may argue that I was loved the most). My Granddaddy was such a huge part of my life that it is hard not to be reminded of him everyday. Sometimes, like now, I still cry and I always miss him dearly. It is my job now to preserve those memories and remember what a blessing he was and still is to me!
How did I get to that point? A lot of time, a lot of prayer, a lot of support, and a wonderful suggestion by Roy. Roy encouraged me to write a letter to my Granddaddy and to Leslie. The letter was a way for me to say all the things I didn’t have a chance to before they passed. I could be totally honest and there was no fear of the response. This was a way to get closure, but also, to be able to articulate my feelings. I would suggest this to anyone facing a loss.
Healing is a continual process and I am still on the journey, but I now know that I don’t have to be on that journey alone. As a matter of fact, the more the better. After all, there is strength in numbers.
That October became the single worst month ever! October 11th my Granddaddy died very suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack. My Granddaddy was the single most important man in my life. He and my Grandmother raised me and I had a very special bond with them. I had never faced a loss like this. The day that we buried my Granddaddy , my pastor’s wife told us that one of our volunteers (he was a parent to one of our students) had been killed in a car accident that morning. The following week, one of our students was hospitalized for cutting her self. Her mother was in jail and she had no other family, so we were called to the hospital. We spent the whole night there with her and got her checked into a children’s treatment facility. Over the next few weeks, we would call and make visits to see her. We were also trying to make arrangements for her care after she was released. As if all that weren’t enough, I get the call that Leslie had been killed.
Needless to say, my world had totally been turned upside down. Four years later, I can look back on the madness, cry, and say that I have grown and learned a lot. I would like to share a few of those lessons with the hope that they might help someone else.
Lesson 1 & 2: I don’t have to be the strong one & Everyone needs to grieve.
I have always had this idea in my mind that I have to be a rock. Never let them see you sweat. Growing up in the situation that I did, I grew up really fast. It was necessary for me to grow up and face challenges like an adult even as a small child. This mindset made it really hard to grieve. I thought that I had to hold it all together. It was my job to single handedly hold my family together and to be the one that could handle all of this flawlessly. I needed to be strong and take care of everyone.
In front of everyone I put on a tough front. I was strong. Once I was alone, I fell apart. Thank goodness for my sweet Bryan. He would just hold me and let me get it all out. He never pushed, he was just there. It took a few weeks, but I finally realized as strong as I thought I was, I couldn’t do this on my own. Roy McCall, one of our pastors, was such a blessing. He did some counseling with me and helped me to see, that I couldn’t help anyone until I helped myself. The strongest thing I could do, was to face my feelings and grieve. Only after that, could I help my family or anyone else.
Lesson 3: Don’t take relationships for granted.
We never really think that something could happen to someone we love. Because of this, we often let circumstances and situations get the best of us. We hold back and don’t always follow those leadings that we get. I had not talked to my grandparents for several days when my Granddaddy died. That morning as I drove to work, I told myself that I needed to call them and make plans to come by after work. I’m sad to say, that I never made that call. Looking back, I can’t help but think that was the Lord’s way of giving me the opportunity to say goodbye.
In 9th and 10th grade, Leslie and I were inseparable. In 11th grade, Leslie started spending more and more time with some other friends and by our senior year, we were only together occasionally. We went to different colleges and chose different paths and gradually lost touch. Several years later, I saw her in the mall and chose not to speak for whatever reason. Through her death, I was reunited with several friends. Unfortunately, we have not all been that great about staying in touch.
I can’t focus on regrets, it doesn’t do any good, but I can look back and make changes for the future.
Lesson 4: (Probably the most important) Time really does heal all wounds.
In the midst of all of this and even months later, I thought that I would never heal. I honestly thought that I would continue to cry over every tiny thing and that I would always feel like my life was completely out of control. Every picture, every thought, every comment, I thought that I would never have another day without the deep pain, sadness, and crying. Life would never be the same again.
Well, I was right about one thing, life never would be the same again. But, it would go on and it would get easier. You can’t experience a major loss and not be changed by it. You can, however, choose not to be frozen by the loss. For many months I still struggled greatly with my emotions and processing the losses. Each year that has gone by has gotten a little easier. I haven’t forgotten about Granddaddy or Leslie, or any of the other life changes I experienced that year. I see my Granddaddy’s picture on my dresser everyday. I go into my Grandma’s house and see the chair that he sat in at the table. I see and hear things all the time that make me think of him. At first, I saw all of those things and I would think about how brokenhearted I was and how much I wished he hadn’t gone. It all reminded me of my loss.
Now, they remind me of my blessings. I see those things and I think of great memories I shared with him. I think about how lucky I was to have those 26 years with him. I think of how blessed I am to have been loved the longest (though my family may argue that I was loved the most). My Granddaddy was such a huge part of my life that it is hard not to be reminded of him everyday. Sometimes, like now, I still cry and I always miss him dearly. It is my job now to preserve those memories and remember what a blessing he was and still is to me!
How did I get to that point? A lot of time, a lot of prayer, a lot of support, and a wonderful suggestion by Roy. Roy encouraged me to write a letter to my Granddaddy and to Leslie. The letter was a way for me to say all the things I didn’t have a chance to before they passed. I could be totally honest and there was no fear of the response. This was a way to get closure, but also, to be able to articulate my feelings. I would suggest this to anyone facing a loss.
Healing is a continual process and I am still on the journey, but I now know that I don’t have to be on that journey alone. As a matter of fact, the more the better. After all, there is strength in numbers.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Lessons from my 30th birthday
Wednesday was my dreaded 30th birthday. It came and went without much fanfare. (That was nice!) My aunt treated me to lunch and I enjoyed my left over birthday cake as an afternoon snack. I must give props to Bryan for the AWESOME strawberry cake with cream cheese icing! He got it at The Sweetery and it is my all time favorite. I literally could have eaten the whole half sheet cake my self. Sadly, I finished off the leftovers yesterday.
This week I went back to Calhoun where I am teaching drama for a few weeks. My 1st grade class on Wednesday was a little rowdy, so I decided to share my secret. I told them that it was my birthday and that the best gift ever would be if no one got in trouble. It would hurt my feelings so bad if I had to give out tallies on my birthday. Amazingly, it worked. The children seemed to settle down a little. Of course, this was followed by 17 children begging me to tell them my age. That would have to wait until the end of class as a reward.
Now, you all know that I have been dreading this birthday... at the end of class Natahan came and tugged at my jacket and said, "Ms. Holder, are you 40?" Are you kidding me, 40! Thank goodness he is cute, sweet, and only 6 or I may have flipped out. I told him no and he later asked if I was 30. Another child asked if I was 19. I am so glad that children really don't have any sense of age. Otherwise, this could have been devastating.
I must say that I could do without my gifts from Mother Nature. She decided to give me new hair for my birthday. Over the last few months my hair has quickly begun turning gray and in the last two weeks the texture of my hair has begun to change (not for the better). My curls are changing and I cannot control my hair. It looks terrible if I don't blow it out or put the flat iron in it. On top of all of that, I now have acne. Really, at this age! Thanks! I appreciate the thought, but you really didn't have too.
Oh well, it could be much worse. As cruel as aging seems, it is a blessing to have another day. As crummy as hormone changes are, I am healthy and happy. I can't help but think of my Uncle Bill as I talk about this. His birthday is the day before mine and he hit a milestone also, 50! This birthday was special for him. He has been suffering from colon cancer. This birthday represented much more than 50 years of life. It represented God's faithfulness. My Uncle has put this in the Lord's hands since day one and God has not let him down.
As I sit and complain about my gray and wiry hair, he arrived at my surprise party with no hair. His last round of Chemo caused the loss of all of his hair. Was he concerned...No! He is simply glad to be alive and we are glad to be able to celebrate with him.
Maybe crazy gray hair and acne aren't so bad after all!
This week I went back to Calhoun where I am teaching drama for a few weeks. My 1st grade class on Wednesday was a little rowdy, so I decided to share my secret. I told them that it was my birthday and that the best gift ever would be if no one got in trouble. It would hurt my feelings so bad if I had to give out tallies on my birthday. Amazingly, it worked. The children seemed to settle down a little. Of course, this was followed by 17 children begging me to tell them my age. That would have to wait until the end of class as a reward.
Now, you all know that I have been dreading this birthday... at the end of class Natahan came and tugged at my jacket and said, "Ms. Holder, are you 40?" Are you kidding me, 40! Thank goodness he is cute, sweet, and only 6 or I may have flipped out. I told him no and he later asked if I was 30. Another child asked if I was 19. I am so glad that children really don't have any sense of age. Otherwise, this could have been devastating.
I must say that I could do without my gifts from Mother Nature. She decided to give me new hair for my birthday. Over the last few months my hair has quickly begun turning gray and in the last two weeks the texture of my hair has begun to change (not for the better). My curls are changing and I cannot control my hair. It looks terrible if I don't blow it out or put the flat iron in it. On top of all of that, I now have acne. Really, at this age! Thanks! I appreciate the thought, but you really didn't have too.
Oh well, it could be much worse. As cruel as aging seems, it is a blessing to have another day. As crummy as hormone changes are, I am healthy and happy. I can't help but think of my Uncle Bill as I talk about this. His birthday is the day before mine and he hit a milestone also, 50! This birthday was special for him. He has been suffering from colon cancer. This birthday represented much more than 50 years of life. It represented God's faithfulness. My Uncle has put this in the Lord's hands since day one and God has not let him down.
As I sit and complain about my gray and wiry hair, he arrived at my surprise party with no hair. His last round of Chemo caused the loss of all of his hair. Was he concerned...No! He is simply glad to be alive and we are glad to be able to celebrate with him.
Maybe crazy gray hair and acne aren't so bad after all!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Memphis here we come
Last month we made the trip back to Memphis to prepare for our upcoming mission trip. Yet again, God used Brinkley Heights and its people to show me some important things. It is truly amazing what they are doing in that community. They are in the most literal sense the hands and feet of Jesus.
As we toured the neighborhoods surrounding the church, God began to speak to me about my life. He made it very clear to me that your mission field is where you make it. I have always believed that you can share the gospel in your everyday life right where you are, but this was different. All of the sudden I felt like this was truly my purpose. The idea of missions hit me in a way like never before. For the first time in my life, I really felt like missions was part of my purpose. I felt God telling me that it is time to step up and be intentional about missions.
In his usual style, God took me out of that situation and brought this up again in a completely different setting. (I guess I must be hard headed, because He always shows me things in multiple ways that don't seem logically tied together before I really clue in.) On the way out of Memphis we decided to spend the night in Nashville and visit a friend, Sara. (Sara is an incredible young woman that we met through Taylor.) Sara invited us to attend a Sunday service at Fellowship Church in Brentwood. The Sunday before, the church had not met and instead had their small groups go out in the community and serve. The pastor spoke briefly about serving and allowed the congregation to share their experiences. God almost seemed to be smacking me over the head saying, "See you can do this anywhere. This is what I have called you to."
I have always been afraid of the call to missions, because I thought that meant the jungles of some far away country. God has made it very clear to me that their are plenty of mission opportunities right hear at home. Please pray for me as I muddle through this and pin point exactly where God wants me to go with this.
As we toured the neighborhoods surrounding the church, God began to speak to me about my life. He made it very clear to me that your mission field is where you make it. I have always believed that you can share the gospel in your everyday life right where you are, but this was different. All of the sudden I felt like this was truly my purpose. The idea of missions hit me in a way like never before. For the first time in my life, I really felt like missions was part of my purpose. I felt God telling me that it is time to step up and be intentional about missions.
In his usual style, God took me out of that situation and brought this up again in a completely different setting. (I guess I must be hard headed, because He always shows me things in multiple ways that don't seem logically tied together before I really clue in.) On the way out of Memphis we decided to spend the night in Nashville and visit a friend, Sara. (Sara is an incredible young woman that we met through Taylor.) Sara invited us to attend a Sunday service at Fellowship Church in Brentwood. The Sunday before, the church had not met and instead had their small groups go out in the community and serve. The pastor spoke briefly about serving and allowed the congregation to share their experiences. God almost seemed to be smacking me over the head saying, "See you can do this anywhere. This is what I have called you to."
I have always been afraid of the call to missions, because I thought that meant the jungles of some far away country. God has made it very clear to me that their are plenty of mission opportunities right hear at home. Please pray for me as I muddle through this and pin point exactly where God wants me to go with this.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Circle of Life
Yesterday was a somewhat unusual day for us. My day began early with a baby shower that Emily DeRoberts and my self hosted for my friend Casey. As I was leaving the shower, Bryan was on his way to a funeral. We met up after the funeral and went to a wedding. We hit every stage of life yesterday. I made reference to that a few times over the day, but it didn't really hit me until late last night what we had truly experienced.
Casey and her husband Chase will be welcoming a baby boy into their home in a couple of months. Nick and Victoria, students in our church, were saying goodbye to their grandfather. Justin, a friend of Bryan's, was beginning a new stage of life as he married his bride. It was what followed the wedding that made me realize how significant the day really was.
Sammy Clary performed the wedding ceremony. Sammy and his wife Melissa are our best friends. We have been blessed beyond measure to share our lives with them. For the last four years they have taught us more about living life and truly trusting Christ than we had learned in all our years prior to that.
We met the Clary's nearly four years ago and yesterday was the first time we have ever gone out to a public place together. If you think about that, that is somewhat unusual. No, we are not ashamed to be seen with them. (Melissa and I do often try to hide from the men though. They can be quite embarrassing.) Sammy and Melissa are the parents of an incredible little guy named Issac. Issac has faced some serious medical problems in his 10 short years. Due to Issac's problems, he isn't able to be around a lot of people. He can't go into crowded places and at times can not go out at all. Due to this, we always do take out or we go out with either Sammy or Melissa and the other one stays with Isaac.
It was a huge treat for us to be out with them last night. After dinner, we picked Issac up from his grandparents and headed to their house. As Melissa and I were talking, Issac's initial diagnoses came up. I had never known exactly how to ask about this before, so I was glad it came up. I asked a lot of questions and learned a lot I didn't know.
There have been several close calls for Isaac in his short life. To hear Melissa tell her story and to see how much she has trusted the Lord all the way is so amazing to me. I often find my self in awe of her. She is an INCREDIBLE woman. I pray that I could be half the woman and mother she is. She really amazes me.
The Clary's truly embrace every day and live it to the fullest. Walking through life with them has and is teaching me about truly living. For them everyday is truly lived. Every morning that Isaac is with them and healthy is a new beginning. Every test and Dr. visit is a new stage for them. At the end of the day, they put it all behind them and plan to start fresh the next. They live the circle of life everyday.
Thank you Clary's for teaching us how to live, love, and appreciate life!
Casey and her husband Chase will be welcoming a baby boy into their home in a couple of months. Nick and Victoria, students in our church, were saying goodbye to their grandfather. Justin, a friend of Bryan's, was beginning a new stage of life as he married his bride. It was what followed the wedding that made me realize how significant the day really was.
Sammy Clary performed the wedding ceremony. Sammy and his wife Melissa are our best friends. We have been blessed beyond measure to share our lives with them. For the last four years they have taught us more about living life and truly trusting Christ than we had learned in all our years prior to that.
We met the Clary's nearly four years ago and yesterday was the first time we have ever gone out to a public place together. If you think about that, that is somewhat unusual. No, we are not ashamed to be seen with them. (Melissa and I do often try to hide from the men though. They can be quite embarrassing.) Sammy and Melissa are the parents of an incredible little guy named Issac. Issac has faced some serious medical problems in his 10 short years. Due to Issac's problems, he isn't able to be around a lot of people. He can't go into crowded places and at times can not go out at all. Due to this, we always do take out or we go out with either Sammy or Melissa and the other one stays with Isaac.
It was a huge treat for us to be out with them last night. After dinner, we picked Issac up from his grandparents and headed to their house. As Melissa and I were talking, Issac's initial diagnoses came up. I had never known exactly how to ask about this before, so I was glad it came up. I asked a lot of questions and learned a lot I didn't know.
There have been several close calls for Isaac in his short life. To hear Melissa tell her story and to see how much she has trusted the Lord all the way is so amazing to me. I often find my self in awe of her. She is an INCREDIBLE woman. I pray that I could be half the woman and mother she is. She really amazes me.
The Clary's truly embrace every day and live it to the fullest. Walking through life with them has and is teaching me about truly living. For them everyday is truly lived. Every morning that Isaac is with them and healthy is a new beginning. Every test and Dr. visit is a new stage for them. At the end of the day, they put it all behind them and plan to start fresh the next. They live the circle of life everyday.
Thank you Clary's for teaching us how to live, love, and appreciate life!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Every fall our pastor, Eddie, talks about being a good steward of your money. He always challenges our people to tithe for 3 months and see what God does. The promise is that if God doesn't bless you, then you can have all of your money back. Never once has he had to give the money back. His goal is to show us that we can't out give God.
Growing up VERY poor, the management of our finances is very important to me. When we got married, my friend Stephanie recommended that we read a Dave Ramsey book that she and her husband were using. In the last year or so, Bryan and I finally got on the same page about the finances and agreed to start using Dave's debt snowball. One of the first things he talks about is giving 10%. Bryan and I had always given regularly, but it wasn't always the first thing.
As a part of the church staff, it is of utmost importance that we lead by example. Bryan and I not only made a plan to get out of debt, but committed to giving first. This year, that has been a top priority. Even when bills would have to wait or the savings would have to be tapped, we wrote the tithe check first. Sometimes, a lot of times, it hurt.
Using the debt snowball, at the end of February we had only 4 debts besides our house. As of Saturday, we are down to two. On Friday, both Bryan and I got paid, so our bills were taken care of for the end of the month. Bryan checked the mail that afternoon and there were two unexpected checks that pretty much doubled our income for that pay period. It paid off two of the four remaining debts with enough left to make an extra payment on one of the others.
On top of all of that, we went to dinner that night and our bill was about $17. When we went to check out, I gave the girl a $20 and she gave me $10 back. I started to walk away and realized that she had given me the wrong change. I went back and told her and she redid the bill twice. The computer did the same thing every time and only charged us for $9 worth of the food. The girl assured me that her drawer would come up right and that she would not be in trouble for the charge as it was.
I was amazed at how God blessed us! Eddie sure knew what he was talking about. You can't out give God and He will not let your faithfulness go unrewarded.
Growing up VERY poor, the management of our finances is very important to me. When we got married, my friend Stephanie recommended that we read a Dave Ramsey book that she and her husband were using. In the last year or so, Bryan and I finally got on the same page about the finances and agreed to start using Dave's debt snowball. One of the first things he talks about is giving 10%. Bryan and I had always given regularly, but it wasn't always the first thing.
As a part of the church staff, it is of utmost importance that we lead by example. Bryan and I not only made a plan to get out of debt, but committed to giving first. This year, that has been a top priority. Even when bills would have to wait or the savings would have to be tapped, we wrote the tithe check first. Sometimes, a lot of times, it hurt.
Using the debt snowball, at the end of February we had only 4 debts besides our house. As of Saturday, we are down to two. On Friday, both Bryan and I got paid, so our bills were taken care of for the end of the month. Bryan checked the mail that afternoon and there were two unexpected checks that pretty much doubled our income for that pay period. It paid off two of the four remaining debts with enough left to make an extra payment on one of the others.
On top of all of that, we went to dinner that night and our bill was about $17. When we went to check out, I gave the girl a $20 and she gave me $10 back. I started to walk away and realized that she had given me the wrong change. I went back and told her and she redid the bill twice. The computer did the same thing every time and only charged us for $9 worth of the food. The girl assured me that her drawer would come up right and that she would not be in trouble for the charge as it was.
I was amazed at how God blessed us! Eddie sure knew what he was talking about. You can't out give God and He will not let your faithfulness go unrewarded.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Desperate for Change
Have you ever felt desperate for change? I have often wanted things to be different, thought it would be nice or convenient. However, I don't think I have ever felt desperate for change... until now.
My life seems to be in this awful rut right now, it has been for months. I am tired of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I am simply sick and tired of the way that I have been living. There is so much more to this life than what I have been living out the last year. This is the most disconnected I have ever felt. My whole life seems to be in disarray. It is total chaos. My organized box has been thrown out the window and I don't know what to do.
It is hard to tell if this is God's way of showing me how far I have strayed, or if He is simply preparing me for something more. I desperately hope that He is preparing me for something more. Please give me more. I just want more! Somehow, right now I think that it is ok to expect and demand more from my life and everyone around me.
I am tired of this same old routine everyday. I am tired of expecting the same old thing. I need a change!!!
I want to be in a place where the people around me want more. It seems like I am surrounded by content people. They don't expect excellence, so they don't demand it either. The sad part is, I seem to have taken on their attitude and I hate it. I don't want to be content in my ministry. I don't want to be content in my personal walk. I don't want to be content in my marriage. I don't want to be content with the condition of my home. More than anything, I want to be close to my God again. I want to feel like I am with Him everyday and learning something new everyday. I want to be challenged by the people around me. I want to desire more!! I want to desire His best.
Bryan said one time that he often has to pray for the desire to desire more of God. That is where I am right now. I am desiring the desire for more, for the best, for His best.
Maybe God is preparing me for a big change. I hope He is, it can't come soon enough. Please God send me change. I realize that change has to begin with me and I can't control those around me. I can, however, pray that God would move me where He wants me and put those people in my path that will challenge me. I desperately want the accountability of others desiring excellence. Ok, so I also know, that God may want me to change right here where I am. A change of scenery would be nice though.
My life seems to be in this awful rut right now, it has been for months. I am tired of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I am simply sick and tired of the way that I have been living. There is so much more to this life than what I have been living out the last year. This is the most disconnected I have ever felt. My whole life seems to be in disarray. It is total chaos. My organized box has been thrown out the window and I don't know what to do.
It is hard to tell if this is God's way of showing me how far I have strayed, or if He is simply preparing me for something more. I desperately hope that He is preparing me for something more. Please give me more. I just want more! Somehow, right now I think that it is ok to expect and demand more from my life and everyone around me.
I am tired of this same old routine everyday. I am tired of expecting the same old thing. I need a change!!!
I want to be in a place where the people around me want more. It seems like I am surrounded by content people. They don't expect excellence, so they don't demand it either. The sad part is, I seem to have taken on their attitude and I hate it. I don't want to be content in my ministry. I don't want to be content in my personal walk. I don't want to be content in my marriage. I don't want to be content with the condition of my home. More than anything, I want to be close to my God again. I want to feel like I am with Him everyday and learning something new everyday. I want to be challenged by the people around me. I want to desire more!! I want to desire His best.
Bryan said one time that he often has to pray for the desire to desire more of God. That is where I am right now. I am desiring the desire for more, for the best, for His best.
Maybe God is preparing me for a big change. I hope He is, it can't come soon enough. Please God send me change. I realize that change has to begin with me and I can't control those around me. I can, however, pray that God would move me where He wants me and put those people in my path that will challenge me. I desperately want the accountability of others desiring excellence. Ok, so I also know, that God may want me to change right here where I am. A change of scenery would be nice though.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
A New Year, A New Attitude
As most people do this time of year, I have been reflecting over the past year and thinking about the coming year. For those of you who have known me for a while, you know that 2004 was the most emotional year ever for me. Very suddenly and unexpectedly I lost my Grandaddy and one of my best friends from high school plus three other major events all between August and November. 2006 brought some closure for me. Leslie's murderer fianlly went to trial and should be sentenced this month. As for my Grandaddy's death, time does heal things. A new perspective does also.
I remember sitting with my Grandma at the hospital that October evening and she agreed to let the hospital harvest my Grandaddy's organs for donation. I was so angry. How could she take that away. I couldn't bear to think of him not being whole and complete when we buried him. I never shared my feelings with her and I really struggled with that. Bryan was the only person I chose to share that with. It was all that I could do to not scream out and try to stop her as she spoke to the hospital staff. It is truely amazing how God's hand works in everything.
I was very adamant that I would never make that choice and that I didn't want my loved ones to make that choice either. We should return the way we came. It never occured to me that one day my world would be rocked again, but in a totally different way. Just this week I was thinking about how God has changed my heart on this and I am so sorry that I felt that way. I was never able to tell my Grandma how I felt, and now I know why.
In 2005 a family walked into our lives and changed everything. They are continuing to change everything! As God would have it, circumstances brought Bryan and Sammy together. Soon, we were able to meet Melissa and Isaac. Who would have ever guessed that this family would impact us in such a huge way. After spending more and more time with them, we learned about Isaac's helath conditions. We even jumped "on board the I-Man train" to help raise money for Isaac's medical care in 2006.
This is where my cluelessness comes in to play. Here I was getting involved in advocating for this little guy to have his second life saving transplant. Never once did it occur to me that these transplants would not have ben possible without a family being willing to donate. In February of 2006 I signed a donor card. But again, I never considered that hospital incident. As a matter of fact, it was just this week. Though it was not Isaac that received from my Grandaddy, it was someone. It was someone's mom or dad that had to make that decision for Isaac to have a chance. So Grandma, thank you for being wiser than me and thank you for listening to the Lord's leading. I know that my Grandaddy is still with me in my heart, but he is also with someone else giving them life. Thank you Lord, for showing me how clueless I am. Thank you for opening my eyes to appreciate the beauty of a giving heart. Thank you for unslefishness.
So, I have a new attitude and a peace in my heart for 2007. Hopefully, this will be the first of many new attitudes this year. Welcome 2007!
I remember sitting with my Grandma at the hospital that October evening and she agreed to let the hospital harvest my Grandaddy's organs for donation. I was so angry. How could she take that away. I couldn't bear to think of him not being whole and complete when we buried him. I never shared my feelings with her and I really struggled with that. Bryan was the only person I chose to share that with. It was all that I could do to not scream out and try to stop her as she spoke to the hospital staff. It is truely amazing how God's hand works in everything.
I was very adamant that I would never make that choice and that I didn't want my loved ones to make that choice either. We should return the way we came. It never occured to me that one day my world would be rocked again, but in a totally different way. Just this week I was thinking about how God has changed my heart on this and I am so sorry that I felt that way. I was never able to tell my Grandma how I felt, and now I know why.
In 2005 a family walked into our lives and changed everything. They are continuing to change everything! As God would have it, circumstances brought Bryan and Sammy together. Soon, we were able to meet Melissa and Isaac. Who would have ever guessed that this family would impact us in such a huge way. After spending more and more time with them, we learned about Isaac's helath conditions. We even jumped "on board the I-Man train" to help raise money for Isaac's medical care in 2006.
This is where my cluelessness comes in to play. Here I was getting involved in advocating for this little guy to have his second life saving transplant. Never once did it occur to me that these transplants would not have ben possible without a family being willing to donate. In February of 2006 I signed a donor card. But again, I never considered that hospital incident. As a matter of fact, it was just this week. Though it was not Isaac that received from my Grandaddy, it was someone. It was someone's mom or dad that had to make that decision for Isaac to have a chance. So Grandma, thank you for being wiser than me and thank you for listening to the Lord's leading. I know that my Grandaddy is still with me in my heart, but he is also with someone else giving them life. Thank you Lord, for showing me how clueless I am. Thank you for opening my eyes to appreciate the beauty of a giving heart. Thank you for unslefishness.
So, I have a new attitude and a peace in my heart for 2007. Hopefully, this will be the first of many new attitudes this year. Welcome 2007!
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