This month I have been able to read two books. I enjoy reading and this is the most I've been able to read in a long time. I must say that I made some good choices. Here is my take on my selections.
Before You Were Mine
If you are adopting, no matter what point in the process, you need this book. The staff at DSS told everyone in our adoption class that we need to make a life book for our children. This is different than a baby book, because there are so many unknowns and unseens when you adopt. I had already begun to make our Little Buddy's life book, but was unsure of some things that should be included. This book gives you a step by step guide to making a Life Book. Often with adopted children, their birth stories my be difficult to discuss or the story may have many holes in it. You may be unsure how to tell their story. Instead of giving up and leaving it out, the authors (an adoptee and an adoptive mom) walk you through the hurdles. There are questionnaires to help spark your thoughts and get you moving in the right direction. They help you see how to tell your child's story, even the parts you don't know. They also help you to understand the importance that the Life Book plays in your child's identity. What I liked most is that it is written from a Christian perspective. The ladies show you how to let your child see God's hand through their whole life, even before you. I'm definitely passing this one on!
Scars that Wound; Scars that Heal
WOW! I couldn't put this book down, I read more than half of it yesterday morning. Author Jan Kern, runs a rehabilitative ranch in California. They work with teens and young adults that struggle with self injury, eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, etc. This book is about self-injury. About 4 or 5 years ago, Bryan and I were exposed to self-injury for the first time. We were desperate to help a young lady in our youth group, but we had no idea how. This was the most difficult thing that I have ever faced in ministry. I was so broken and desperate and could not seem to get help anywhere. It seemed no one knew how to help her or tell us how to help her. Just thinking about it still brings me to tears and breaks my heart.
Since that time, this issue has come up several more times (1 time is far too many!). I have wanted so desperately to know how to help. This book is a God send!! Kern takes a young girl named Jackie and takes you through her journey. (Jackie's story was almost identical to our young friend, which made it a tough read.) The chapters are broken into three parts. The first part tells Jackie's story. The second part is Jackie, her family, counselors, and friends looking back on her story and explaining how she worked through those parts. The final part is Kern talking to other young people dealing with these issues. Throughout the book, Kern includes boxes that let you know how to help someone in this situation. She also includes MANY scripture to point the self-injurer back to Christ and His healing and forgiveness. At the end of each chapter she includes questions to help the self-injurer to think through and process what may have brought them to this place and how they can break these chains. She also includes a writing prompt.
This book is incredible! Every student ministry needs 10 copies. Youth pastors and youth workers need to read this. You need copies to hand to every kid that struggles with this. We all need to understand that this problem is much deeper than simply wanting attention. Like Jackie, many of these kids are dealing with much deeper issues (molestation, abuse, etc.). These students, do need professional help, but this book will point you in the right direction and give you a better understanding of where this behavior comes from. It will also help you understand how to best love and support these hurting students. I will warn you, it is emotionally hard to read, but a MUST!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A little venting session
Memphis is getting closer by the day. We leave on Sunday and I can't wait! Last year was such an incredible experience, I am excited to see what will happen this year. I shared a week or so ago about the devotional journal that we put together for our kids. Some common themes came up over and over. One of them was putting ourselves aside. This is so crucial for service. You can't serve Christ or His children if you are focused on your self.
It is and has been my prayer that our students would take this opportunity seriously. I really want them to be so focused on Christ and His plan for them, that they honestly forget about themselves. This is my prayer not only for them, but for myself, and the other 3 adult leaders. We ask a lot of our kids and expect a lot of them. Sometimes, however, I forget that they are teenagers and their lives revolve around themselves. I forget that there is an element of maturity that they sometimes lack. That level of maturity that comes as they begin to see the world around them and see themselves as the tiny part of it that they are. I don't know when that moment comes when they realize they are not the center of the universe. I know that I had to come to that point myself, everyone does.
Over the weekend one of our students on the mission team asked Bryan if he was going to allow them to go on a tour as a reward for serving. We were both extremely disappointed by this question. Do they not get it at all? What reward did Christ get for serving? Death on a cross? Who ever promised us a reward? The Bible clearly tells us that we will suffer here on earth when we truly give ourselves to Christ. Fortunately (or unfortunately), here in this country we have no idea what that truly means. We may be questioned about our choices and we may be made fun of, but we don't understand what it means to suffer for our Lord.
My dear friend Amanda spent a year in Africa with a tent and a backpack. She moved from village to village ministering and serving. Once every few weeks she was able to come into town where she stayed in a house for a couple of days to wash her clothes and restock her food. Our friend Taylor went into an Asian country where it is illegal to be a missionary to reach out to people and prepare the way for future missionaries. Everyday Christians in some countries run the risk of being jailed or even killed for their faith and our teens want a reward for serving.
Serving in the reward. The fact that we are able to freely serve is a huge blessing. The fact that we have transportation to get there, we have all of our meals provided for us, we have a cool clean and safe place to stay, and we have the opportunity to reach children and have our own lives changed is our reward. Not to mention the fact that the cost of the trip was around $300 per person and our students only paid $50. People in our church graciously donated the money for these students to go. So, there is your reward! As if you really needed one.
Lord, please change our hearts. Help us to see that our reward is the freedom we have to come to you daily. Our reward is the fact that we are free from sin and eternal life in hell. What more reward do we need?!?!
By the way, I really do love our students and our ministry. I just get so frustrated sometimes!
It is and has been my prayer that our students would take this opportunity seriously. I really want them to be so focused on Christ and His plan for them, that they honestly forget about themselves. This is my prayer not only for them, but for myself, and the other 3 adult leaders. We ask a lot of our kids and expect a lot of them. Sometimes, however, I forget that they are teenagers and their lives revolve around themselves. I forget that there is an element of maturity that they sometimes lack. That level of maturity that comes as they begin to see the world around them and see themselves as the tiny part of it that they are. I don't know when that moment comes when they realize they are not the center of the universe. I know that I had to come to that point myself, everyone does.
Over the weekend one of our students on the mission team asked Bryan if he was going to allow them to go on a tour as a reward for serving. We were both extremely disappointed by this question. Do they not get it at all? What reward did Christ get for serving? Death on a cross? Who ever promised us a reward? The Bible clearly tells us that we will suffer here on earth when we truly give ourselves to Christ. Fortunately (or unfortunately), here in this country we have no idea what that truly means. We may be questioned about our choices and we may be made fun of, but we don't understand what it means to suffer for our Lord.
My dear friend Amanda spent a year in Africa with a tent and a backpack. She moved from village to village ministering and serving. Once every few weeks she was able to come into town where she stayed in a house for a couple of days to wash her clothes and restock her food. Our friend Taylor went into an Asian country where it is illegal to be a missionary to reach out to people and prepare the way for future missionaries. Everyday Christians in some countries run the risk of being jailed or even killed for their faith and our teens want a reward for serving.
Serving in the reward. The fact that we are able to freely serve is a huge blessing. The fact that we have transportation to get there, we have all of our meals provided for us, we have a cool clean and safe place to stay, and we have the opportunity to reach children and have our own lives changed is our reward. Not to mention the fact that the cost of the trip was around $300 per person and our students only paid $50. People in our church graciously donated the money for these students to go. So, there is your reward! As if you really needed one.
Lord, please change our hearts. Help us to see that our reward is the freedom we have to come to you daily. Our reward is the fact that we are free from sin and eternal life in hell. What more reward do we need?!?!
By the way, I really do love our students and our ministry. I just get so frustrated sometimes!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Random Updates
This is going to be totally random, but I will try to make it all fit and make sense somehow. A lot of things have happened over the last few days that I want to share. Structure is my friend, so this is uncommon for me. Sorry about the randomness!
*Yesterday I got a GREAT surprise. A week or so ago, I posted a blog about Francesca Battistelli. Someone from her record label actually read my blog and contacted me. Her album drops today and I was really excited about buying it. Well, I don't have to... I got a free autographed copy of it in the mail yesterday along with a t-shirt. (The t-shirt is big enough for three of me, but I appreciate it anyway.) Just in case you don't believe me, here is the proof:
*We leave this Sunday for Memphis and I am more than ready!!!! Please pray for our team. My prayer is that our kids will truly put themselves aside and let God have His way. We are collecting school supplies for Brinkley Heights Urban Academy. If you would like to contribute, let me know and I will get you a list and pick up the supplies from you. I will need them by this Friday.
*Sunday a friend told me about a child that is in foster care that we may be up for adoption. She is getting details for me so that we can ask about him.
*One of my former youth got married this weekend. It was a beautiful wedding. Lindsey and Jonathan are finally married. God showed me some things through this wedding, and I will share those later. Congratulations Jonathan and Lindsey!
Well, I think that is all for now. This week is Bible School at Marathon, so we are taking our students to Frankie's. I LOVE Frankie's! Pray I don't let my competitive nature take over.
*Yesterday I got a GREAT surprise. A week or so ago, I posted a blog about Francesca Battistelli. Someone from her record label actually read my blog and contacted me. Her album drops today and I was really excited about buying it. Well, I don't have to... I got a free autographed copy of it in the mail yesterday along with a t-shirt. (The t-shirt is big enough for three of me, but I appreciate it anyway.) Just in case you don't believe me, here is the proof:
*We leave this Sunday for Memphis and I am more than ready!!!! Please pray for our team. My prayer is that our kids will truly put themselves aside and let God have His way. We are collecting school supplies for Brinkley Heights Urban Academy. If you would like to contribute, let me know and I will get you a list and pick up the supplies from you. I will need them by this Friday.
*Sunday a friend told me about a child that is in foster care that we may be up for adoption. She is getting details for me so that we can ask about him.
*One of my former youth got married this weekend. It was a beautiful wedding. Lindsey and Jonathan are finally married. God showed me some things through this wedding, and I will share those later. Congratulations Jonathan and Lindsey!
Well, I think that is all for now. This week is Bible School at Marathon, so we are taking our students to Frankie's. I LOVE Frankie's! Pray I don't let my competitive nature take over.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Details, Details
When people ask where we are adopting from, they seem as shocked as I did to hear that you can adopt from the state. Generally, the next question is always "How does that work?" or "Is that really expensive?" Today, I hope to tackle both questions.
Bryan and I had been planning to adopt from China, when we decided to go to an informational seminar hosted by the Department of Social Services. We were well aware that DSS is responsible for Foster Care having dealt with a handful of foster children through school and church. However, we thought that the adoption info would just be general info. My thinking was that any info was more than we had and would be helpful.
Here in Williamston, we live on the corner of three counties (Anderson, Greenville, and Pickens) with 3 other counties within 30-45 minutes of us. One of the men from DSS was talking about the need for foster parents and adoptive families in our area. In our three county area, there were at least 600 children currently in custody and only about 140 families. The state tries not to put more than 3 children in a home, but many had 5 and 6.
As we sat there listening to the gentleman explain what they do and the need for families, Bryan broke down. Now, this is not surprising to most people, but there was much more to it this time. (Our friends and family know, that Bryan has a huge heart, and is extremely sensitive). It got to the point that he had to excuse himself and leave the room. When we got in the car to leave, he told me that it hit him really hard that adoption is a picture of what Christ did for us. What he didn't know, is that this same realization hit me several years before. I was in my car listening to Focus on the Family one afternoon when God overwhelmed me with that realization. I had never shared that with him, because I felt confident that God would bring him to that point in His own time. Of course, He did a much better job than I ever could have.
So, how does this process work? First you start with a lengthy paperwork process. There is something like 20 or 30 pages of paperwork to fill out. You turn parts of it in as you go to start your background check. When your background check and fingerprints come back, you have to attend an orientation and 2 day training session. The training session is tough! They talk about all the reasons why children come into custody of the state. (In 2003 1604 children entered foster care in SC. 59% of those were due to neglect. 33% were due to abuse.) It was tough to hear all the horrible things that many of these children deal with.
After this, we had home inspections by the fire marshal and DHEC. Then it was time for the home study. We met twice with a lady that interviewed us. This was fairly long and really personal. She then wrote up a report about us and submitted it to the state. We received a letter in the mail saying that we had been approved and now we are simply waiting on placement.
When we do get a child, we may be considered foster parents until all the legal work is completed to terminate the parents rights. At that point we will wait for a court date to finalize the adoption.
Now for the $$$ question... Because our child will be in the custody of the state, the state will pay the majority of the fees for us. We were told to expect to pay only a few hundred dollars. That is right a few hundred. Seeing that there are 1600 children in the SC foster care system available for adoption, you can't afford not to!
Bryan and I had been planning to adopt from China, when we decided to go to an informational seminar hosted by the Department of Social Services. We were well aware that DSS is responsible for Foster Care having dealt with a handful of foster children through school and church. However, we thought that the adoption info would just be general info. My thinking was that any info was more than we had and would be helpful.
Here in Williamston, we live on the corner of three counties (Anderson, Greenville, and Pickens) with 3 other counties within 30-45 minutes of us. One of the men from DSS was talking about the need for foster parents and adoptive families in our area. In our three county area, there were at least 600 children currently in custody and only about 140 families. The state tries not to put more than 3 children in a home, but many had 5 and 6.
As we sat there listening to the gentleman explain what they do and the need for families, Bryan broke down. Now, this is not surprising to most people, but there was much more to it this time. (Our friends and family know, that Bryan has a huge heart, and is extremely sensitive). It got to the point that he had to excuse himself and leave the room. When we got in the car to leave, he told me that it hit him really hard that adoption is a picture of what Christ did for us. What he didn't know, is that this same realization hit me several years before. I was in my car listening to Focus on the Family one afternoon when God overwhelmed me with that realization. I had never shared that with him, because I felt confident that God would bring him to that point in His own time. Of course, He did a much better job than I ever could have.
So, how does this process work? First you start with a lengthy paperwork process. There is something like 20 or 30 pages of paperwork to fill out. You turn parts of it in as you go to start your background check. When your background check and fingerprints come back, you have to attend an orientation and 2 day training session. The training session is tough! They talk about all the reasons why children come into custody of the state. (In 2003 1604 children entered foster care in SC. 59% of those were due to neglect. 33% were due to abuse.) It was tough to hear all the horrible things that many of these children deal with.
After this, we had home inspections by the fire marshal and DHEC. Then it was time for the home study. We met twice with a lady that interviewed us. This was fairly long and really personal. She then wrote up a report about us and submitted it to the state. We received a letter in the mail saying that we had been approved and now we are simply waiting on placement.
When we do get a child, we may be considered foster parents until all the legal work is completed to terminate the parents rights. At that point we will wait for a court date to finalize the adoption.
Now for the $$$ question... Because our child will be in the custody of the state, the state will pay the majority of the fees for us. We were told to expect to pay only a few hundred dollars. That is right a few hundred. Seeing that there are 1600 children in the SC foster care system available for adoption, you can't afford not to!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Adoption... yes, we're expecting one any day now
I love working in the afternoon, all the good TV shows come on around lunch time. For the first time, today I was able to catch Adoption Stories on Discovery Channel. This was really exciting for me, since we are in the process of adopting our first child. Yes, I cried! No, I am not a crier, but this always gets me. It is a very emotional subject.
We started the process officially in January. (We started filling out paperwork in November, but didn't turn it in until January.) It has been an emotional process for both Bryan and I, I know it is not surprising that Bryan is emotional. The paperwork required that we include health information about our families. Because of the amount of detail, we had to ask for help. Most of our family was very excited for us and happy to give us any info needed. However, we did face questions and hurtful comments from some people.
When adopting many people will ask if you plan to have your own. You can often tell a person's motive in the way that they ask this question. Some have seemed to be nosey, some genuinely interested in our family, and some as if our adopted child is not really ours. In our case, we don't know if there are fertility problems, we honestly feel that adoption is the plan for us no matter what. What has hurt the most is when a family member asked and it is obvious that he will not consider our child to really be a part of the family.
I plan to talk a lot more about adoption and our process in the coming weeks. What I want to leave you with today is this:
Consider your motive when asking about someone's adoption. You don't know what has brought them to this incredible decision. You don't know the pain they may have felt. Be sensitive to their emotions. Put yourself in their shoes.
We started the process officially in January. (We started filling out paperwork in November, but didn't turn it in until January.) It has been an emotional process for both Bryan and I, I know it is not surprising that Bryan is emotional. The paperwork required that we include health information about our families. Because of the amount of detail, we had to ask for help. Most of our family was very excited for us and happy to give us any info needed. However, we did face questions and hurtful comments from some people.
When adopting many people will ask if you plan to have your own. You can often tell a person's motive in the way that they ask this question. Some have seemed to be nosey, some genuinely interested in our family, and some as if our adopted child is not really ours. In our case, we don't know if there are fertility problems, we honestly feel that adoption is the plan for us no matter what. What has hurt the most is when a family member asked and it is obvious that he will not consider our child to really be a part of the family.
I plan to talk a lot more about adoption and our process in the coming weeks. What I want to leave you with today is this:
Consider your motive when asking about someone's adoption. You don't know what has brought them to this incredible decision. You don't know the pain they may have felt. Be sensitive to their emotions. Put yourself in their shoes.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I'm Letting Go
We are preparing a team of about 15 high school kids for summer missions in Memphis. This will be our second year in Memphis and it will be the 2nd trip for about half of the team. I am really excited about this trip. Planning and preparing for the mission trip has become a passion of my since we visited Memphis last spring.
This year, I created a devotional guide for our students. For the eight weeks of preparation, they had a devotion to read each day and a writing prompt to journal about. I was very blessed to have help from my dear friend Lauren Parnell who is a missionary, as well as, a couple of my family members who participate in missions regularly. I also found a great website of devotions that helped. I did write a few of them myself. The last few that I wrote were about songs that had sparked my thoughts about missions. This one in particular, I wanted to share:
I'm Letting Go
Read:
Recently, I heard a new artist that I have fallen in love with. Francesca Battistelli is releasing her album this month. (I can’t wait to get it!) After hearing her radio single, I decided to take a listen and I bought the EP. It is great! The current radio single is I’m Letting Go. Here are the lyrics...
My heart beats, standing on the edge. But my feet have finally left the ledge. Like an acrobat, there's no turning back.
I'm letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams. Losing control of my destiny. Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe. So I'm letting go.
This is a giant leap of faith. Trusting and trying to embrace the fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone.
Giving in to your gravity. Knowing You are holding me I'm not afraid.
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe. Feels like I'm falling and this is the life for me.
So you are asking what this has to do with missions. Well, I am going to tell you. Last year in Memphis I learned a lot. One of the huge things that I learned is that God will use us and bless us if we will simply let go and step out of our comfort zone. It was scary to go into a new place that isn’t necessarily considered safe. It was scary to walk into the nursing home to visit with residents (way out of my comfort zone). It was hard to think that we would spend all of this time preparing and that kids might not pay attention and that we may not have a single kid accept Christ. I was worried about kids complaining about sleeping on the floor of a school and having to share very little bathroom space. What I learned was that when I let go of those things and just did what God had put in front of me, He took care of the rest. Not only did He take care of it, He changed our lives. He changed my perspective on missions as well. It was never in my plans to be involved in missions. Now, God has given me a new passion for missions and community outreach. I can’t wait to see where this new passion takes me... So I’m letting go!
Write:
I hope that you are prepared to let go! Of course, I don’t know what God is going to do for you on this mission trip, but I do know that you will be changed. You will be pushed out of your comfort zone. You are going to have to leave your plans behind and let Him have control. Are you ready to let go? Are you ready to take this giant leap of faith? Are you ready to give up control of your destiny? You know, you really aren’t in control anyway! Trust me, when you let go you will say...this is the life for me!
Pray for us and our students. I am so excited about this!!!
This year, I created a devotional guide for our students. For the eight weeks of preparation, they had a devotion to read each day and a writing prompt to journal about. I was very blessed to have help from my dear friend Lauren Parnell who is a missionary, as well as, a couple of my family members who participate in missions regularly. I also found a great website of devotions that helped. I did write a few of them myself. The last few that I wrote were about songs that had sparked my thoughts about missions. This one in particular, I wanted to share:
I'm Letting Go
Read:
Recently, I heard a new artist that I have fallen in love with. Francesca Battistelli is releasing her album this month. (I can’t wait to get it!) After hearing her radio single, I decided to take a listen and I bought the EP. It is great! The current radio single is I’m Letting Go. Here are the lyrics...
My heart beats, standing on the edge. But my feet have finally left the ledge. Like an acrobat, there's no turning back.
I'm letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams. Losing control of my destiny. Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe. So I'm letting go.
This is a giant leap of faith. Trusting and trying to embrace the fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone.
Giving in to your gravity. Knowing You are holding me I'm not afraid.
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe. Feels like I'm falling and this is the life for me.
So you are asking what this has to do with missions. Well, I am going to tell you. Last year in Memphis I learned a lot. One of the huge things that I learned is that God will use us and bless us if we will simply let go and step out of our comfort zone. It was scary to go into a new place that isn’t necessarily considered safe. It was scary to walk into the nursing home to visit with residents (way out of my comfort zone). It was hard to think that we would spend all of this time preparing and that kids might not pay attention and that we may not have a single kid accept Christ. I was worried about kids complaining about sleeping on the floor of a school and having to share very little bathroom space. What I learned was that when I let go of those things and just did what God had put in front of me, He took care of the rest. Not only did He take care of it, He changed our lives. He changed my perspective on missions as well. It was never in my plans to be involved in missions. Now, God has given me a new passion for missions and community outreach. I can’t wait to see where this new passion takes me... So I’m letting go!
Write:
I hope that you are prepared to let go! Of course, I don’t know what God is going to do for you on this mission trip, but I do know that you will be changed. You will be pushed out of your comfort zone. You are going to have to leave your plans behind and let Him have control. Are you ready to let go? Are you ready to take this giant leap of faith? Are you ready to give up control of your destiny? You know, you really aren’t in control anyway! Trust me, when you let go you will say...this is the life for me!
Pray for us and our students. I am so excited about this!!!
Monday, July 7, 2008
A blast from the past
I am a little behind on my postings. Yesterday at church I was talking to my friend Lindsey and I mentioned Bill Cosby's Picutre Page. She had no idea what I was talking about. I learned two things from this conversation: 1. I am much older than I thought. 2. Children today are deprived of good tv.
In an effort to alleviate this problem, I am going to post some videos of my favorites as a kid. I hope you enjoy!
In an effort to alleviate this problem, I am going to post some videos of my favorites as a kid. I hope you enjoy!
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