What do you want to be when you grow up?

A teacher, astronaut, fashion designer, model, dance teacher, and flight attendant. Those were my answers to that question through my elementary school years. In middle school I stuck with the dance theme and I wanted to be a professional dancer and own a dance school. High School brought about the idea of being a counselor or psychologist. On my college application I declared psychology as my major. (I graduated with a degree in Communications and Sociology.)

The college years came with the thoughts of being a music producer or entertainment management. Then I became "socially aware" and wanted to be Miss America (yes I was a pageant girl) and then become a politician. You know there are so many former Miss America's turned politician out there. The goal was to use my influence to change the world. Though I did not pursue politics, I did the next best thing... I went to work for a non profit agency.

Honestly, the only thing I ever knew for certain was that God had called me to ministry. I didn't know what ministry, but I was willing to try as many as possible to find out. My freshman year of college Dr. Susan Underwood at Carson Newman College (Go Eagles!) assigned a research paper to her English 101 students about their career goals. Since ministry was the only thing I was sure of, that is what I wrote about. I wrote about being a pastor's wife to be exact. My associate pastor's wife was the focus of my research. I further explored ministry by taking an internship with a local church the summer between my junior and senior year. (That was probably the best summer of my life!)

Like I said before, upon graduation I took a job with a non profit and after a few years I went to another non profit. I have considered many other jobs: event planner, graphic design, child care, teaching, acting, and a few more. It never made sense to me that I couldn't put my finger on my ministry and I could never find the "perfect" job for me. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and enjoyed most of the others that I have had, but nothing has ever seemed perfect. I was never making that huge impact on the world that I felt I should be.

Then came December...

The last eight months have brought a lot of things to light for me. I have finally found my niche. As much as I like my current job and enjoy the children's and youth ministries that I am involved in, nothing is a better fit for me than being mom. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot as I go. I don't have it all figured out and never will. What I do know is that I am changing the world everyday. Changing the world of one little fella who knows that his Mommy and Daddy love him more than he can imagine. My ministry is my family.

It all became very real to me this weekend when I asked my 15 month old, "Who loves Reese?" Without prompting, his reply was, "God." There is no other job I would rather have!

That was tough!

Bryan and some of the other staff guys have been working out together in the mornings. For a while they were doing P90X. They would often talk about how tough of a work out it is, but they got results. Over the past couple of years Bryan has lost about 20 pounds and dropped 2 or 3 pant sizes. I have been so proud of him.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for myself. For a long time I have been unhappy with my current state of physical fitness. The older I get, the lazier I seem to get and the more junk I eat. The days of wearing size 1's & 0's and walking everywhere I went slowly began to fade away after I walked across the stage at CU and received my degree nearly 9 years ago. I am at least 20lbs heavier and 3 sizes bigger than then (I found everything Bryan lost). Any hopes of fitting into my wedding dress for our 10 year anniversary seem to be fleeting dreams. For the longest time I have complained, but that is all I have done. There just never seems to be any motivation to change.

After seeing the results of P90X, I considered it myself... then I thought better of it. Not having exercised in some time and being asthmatic, I thought that may be a little much. Soon I saw the infomercial for 10 minute trainer which was created by Tony Horton (the P90X guy). I thought this may be my answer. Being the working mother of an infant, I don't have a lot of down time, and I don't want to leave my baby anymore than I have too. Not being one to buy something from an infomercial, I went online to check it out. I ordered 10 minuter trainer online with the best of intentions. It has sat at my house for weeks now untouched.

Sunday morning I woke up at 5 am and couldn't go back to sleep. What better time to start? Oh my gosh... that lower body workout kicked my tail! I seriously thought that I was going to throw up. I never thought 10 minutes could be so intense. I didn't let it get me down though, today I did the cardio workout. It didn't get me quite as bad, but still intense. Hopefully I will stay faithful to this.

Horton encourages you to weigh & measure yourself before you begin the program. He also encourages you to take a before picture. I would rather not share those with you right now. Maybe if I get some awesome results I will put them up as a testimonial.

Pray for me... I really want to stick to this (and not let it kill me!).

Lessons from my 30th birthday

Wednesday was my dreaded 30th birthday. It came and went without much fanfare. (That was nice!) My aunt treated me to lunch and I enjoyed my left over birthday cake as an afternoon snack. I must give props to Bryan for the AWESOME strawberry cake with cream cheese icing! He got it at The Sweetery and it is my all time favorite. I literally could have eaten the whole half sheet cake my self. Sadly, I finished off the leftovers yesterday.

This week I went back to Calhoun where I am teaching drama for a few weeks. My 1st grade class on Wednesday was a little rowdy, so I decided to share my secret. I told them that it was my birthday and that the best gift ever would be if no one got in trouble. It would hurt my feelings so bad if I had to give out tallies on my birthday. Amazingly, it worked. The children seemed to settle down a little. Of course, this was followed by 17 children begging me to tell them my age. That would have to wait until the end of class as a reward.

Now, you all know that I have been dreading this birthday... at the end of class Natahan came and tugged at my jacket and said, "Ms. Holder, are you 40?" Are you kidding me, 40! Thank goodness he is cute, sweet, and only 6 or I may have flipped out. I told him no and he later asked if I was 30. Another child asked if I was 19. I am so glad that children really don't have any sense of age. Otherwise, this could have been devastating.

I must say that I could do without my gifts from Mother Nature. She decided to give me new hair for my birthday. Over the last few months my hair has quickly begun turning gray and in the last two weeks the texture of my hair has begun to change (not for the better). My curls are changing and I cannot control my hair. It looks terrible if I don't blow it out or put the flat iron in it. On top of all of that, I now have acne. Really, at this age! Thanks! I appreciate the thought, but you really didn't have too.

Oh well, it could be much worse. As cruel as aging seems, it is a blessing to have another day. As crummy as hormone changes are, I am healthy and happy. I can't help but think of my Uncle Bill as I talk about this. His birthday is the day before mine and he hit a milestone also, 50! This birthday was special for him. He has been suffering from colon cancer. This birthday represented much more than 50 years of life. It represented God's faithfulness. My Uncle has put this in the Lord's hands since day one and God has not let him down.

As I sit and complain about my gray and wiry hair, he arrived at my surprise party with no hair. His last round of Chemo caused the loss of all of his hair. Was he concerned...No! He is simply glad to be alive and we are glad to be able to celebrate with him.

Maybe crazy gray hair and acne aren't so bad after all!

2 days left....

Those of you who have joined me in counting down to my 30th birthday are well aware that there are only 2 more days. 2 more days unitl the end of childhood as I know it. I will be a for real adult, no more twenty something. With that in mind, I have to share my weekend with you.

I must give props to Bryan. As clueless as I often think he is about gift giving and surprises, he proved me wrong this weekend. A couple of weeks ago, he told me that we would be having an ABS (Area Bible Study) cookout on Saturday night at the DeRoberts house. This did not surprise me since we rarely have a weekend in the fall that doesn't involve a student ministry event. Personal activities typically take a back seat to such things. I got Lee dressed and we loaded up the car to go to Mr. David's house.

I was expecting to hang around for a while, maybe hear a little discussion about the changes being made this year, and possibly have a birthday cake for desert. We drove up in the drive way and David and Chris were manning the grill (typical MSM stuff) and directing folks where to park. Also in typical fashion we were about 5 minutes late. David sends us in the house to help the women. I open the door and there stood most of my family and many of my friends. (Lee freaked out!) It was really exciting because no one has ever done that for me before.

Bryan did a great job and I must give him credit for working hard and thinking of me. The thing that surprises me most is that he didn't even give me a hint. He hates surprises and can't keep a secret from me. Good for you Bub! You did a great job.

It was a lot of fun and we finally got to introduce Melissa and Sammy, our best friends, to our family. They always hear us talk about them but had never had the privilege of meeting them. I was glad to hang out with the Cantrell's and the Benfield's also. We used to hang out all the time, but it has been a while, so that was a nice change.

I can't finish without thanking Emily and Kathy for helping Bryan pull it off. Thanks guys! I love you all and appreciate you making 30 special.